Harvest Moon TV! Season 2: Back To Nature
by SBester
Summary: The craziest harvest moon fanfic series is back with 15 hilarious new episodes featuring an all new cast from the psx version of the game!
1. Episode 1

**_EPISODE ONE: Jack And Jill_**

'Twas a beautiful day when Jack accidentally killed himself. The old fool, too stupid to fall vulnerable to senility, decided it would be the perfect day to learn how to swim. Jack was wrong. Thinking himself to be a master of self teaching professions, the old man walked as far as he could out into the lake, never to be heard from again.

Heir to the property, farmer Jack's son (Indabox) and his lovely wife did not think it was appropriate to change from the big city life to such a primitive form of living so suddenly, and declined the offer. Instead, they decided that their young son was now mature and responsible enough to handle moving out and starting his own legacy by himself. They were right.

The boy's name, oddly enough, was Jack the second, or Jack II. He was named on the basis that he resembled his grandfather, although, he was nowhere near being anything like him at all. It was his younger sister, Jill, that acted like Jack the 1st in every way… quite unfortunately.

It was decided that Jill would be sent out to sea on a boat with a crazy captain, hopefully never to be seen again.

When all was ready, Jack II was sent on his way to his grandfather's old farm in a place that was now known as "Mineral Town". The town had survived many disasters over the years, all in some way caused or at least partly caused by Jack. As technology became better and more useful, so did the production of the town and it continued to strive with the next generation of villagers.

Upon his arrival, Jack II looked around at the property and smiled to himself. All this was now his.

"Hello." Came a friendly voice.

Jack II looked behind himself, but no source could be seen anywhere.

"Down here." It was the mayor of the town, an aging little man with a very wide smile.

"Oh, hi." Jack II greeted.

"My name… I not important. Call me 'Mayor', I like that best. The townsfolk have all gathered at the next farm over and are eagerly awaiting your presence! Ofcourse, not all of them could make it because we are a very busy people, but a many were too excited to pass up the chance to meet our newest member of Mineral Town!" the short man said gallantly.

"Oh, that sounds great. I don't want to keep anyone waiting, lead the way" Jack tried his best to remember his manors and relay pleasantries.

The two walked up to Barley Yodel's farm to a crowd of girls and a few less important guests. Old Barley lived here with his young granddaughter, May, and their dog, and he seemed an odd little man. One by one, the people were introduced by the mayor.

The first girl, Popuri, had long pink hair, and seemed a little stuck up to Jack II, but he enjoyed a challenge. The second girl, Karen, had long blond hair, and seemed like a very friendly person. Both girls were gorgeous as far as Jack II was concerned, and he instantly decided that he was going to have fun wooing each of them.

Ann was next, a cute girl with orange hair and a wide mouth. Unlike the other two girls, she had quite a bit to say in the brief span of their introduction.

"Hi, I'm Ann and I live with my father at the Inn. It's a bar at night time and it gets pretty lively sometimes so you should definitely think about…"

"That's enough, Ann," The mayor pushed Jack II along to meet the others, clearly annoyed with the girl.

Mary was the next girl to be introduced, she was a shy and quiet looking girl with thick glasses and braided black hair. The mayor introduced her, and she just stood there, barely able to look Jack II in the face and not saying a word, but with a hint of a shy smile being hid by the downward angle of her face.

Another amongst the crowd included Rick, Popuri's brother, who had thought it important to lecture Jack on staying away from both his sister AND Karen. Jack II knew he wasn't going to like this red headed, four eyed geek. His mother, Lillia, had also come to meet him. She looked exactly like Popuri, but older and seemed much more pleasant. Duke, the winery owner and his wife, Manna, had also come to greet the new villager.

They all seemed like a very lively bunch, and Jack II knew that he would fit in well with them all. Yes, this was to become the greatest time in the young boy's life, and it seemed as though there was nothing that could ever screw it up.

Intermission

"Ahoy, Mateeeee!" the loud mouthed girl screamed at the top of her lungs from atop the sails. The large ship carried an entire crew of misfits and their crazy captain day in, day out, through the vast seas. The captain was always drunk, but tried his best to discipline the young crew and teach them in the ways of sailing.

"Get down from there, Jill! We're in the middle of a storm! Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?!" the captain yelled up as loud as he could, hoping she could hear his words through the crashing of thunder and the endless assault of waves. The rains were coming down is torrents, and the young crew were huddled inside their cabins in fear of the murderous thunderstorm… but not Jill.

"I can't hear you!" Jill laughed as the sails swung her high in the skies. The poor girl had no idea what she was getting herself into, and soon the course of her life would change completely.

"Jill! I can't come up there and get you! Please! Come down from there!" the captain tried yet again.

Just then, Jill spotted an island up ahead. She yelled out "Land Ho!" and swung down the length of the sails with glee. The captain ran to try and catch her, but he was too slow. Jill landed roughly atop a large pile of potato sacks, giggling like a maniac in amusement as the captain tripped over his own feet and fell to the ground.

"Potatoes!" Jill ripped open a sack and started throwing the crops at her fallen leader. It was by their own misfortune that one of the potatoes knocked a lit cigar out of the captain's mouth and landed too closely to a bag of gunpowder. An explosion sounded and knocked Jill all the way to the back of the ship, briefly knocking her unconscious.

In a few short seconds, she shook her head wildly and noticed that the ship was now completely on fire. Most people would have panicked in this situation, Jill found it hilarious, ignoring the fact that her captain and the crew members may now be dead. Rising slowly and dizzily to her feet, Jill danced in the rain and fire and sang unintelligently about the pirate life.

Uninterested in the fact that the ship was now breaking apart, Jill decided it was time to ask her fellow shipmates if hey would like to join her in her horseplay. It was then that the ship began to fall over and sink into the ocean depths.

"I don't want to swim…" Jill decided as she realized what was about to happen.

A loud crack of thunder and lightning sealed her fate and in another few seconds she was drowning in the harsh waters, wondering how that mean old captain had managed to do this to her.

Meanwhile, Jack II was having the time of his life back in Mineral Town. The mayor had shown him around to all of the important locations of the village and he had met many more interesting people along the way. The beautiful church was where the crowd gathered every Sunday to listen to Pastor Carter preached about the lord, the forest lands were where the park and mining cave were located, and the hospital was where the doctor and a sweet girl named Elli spent their time.

"So, what do you think of our humble home?" the mayor asked.

"It is the best place I've ever been to," Jack II lied through his teeth. Mineral town was boring. It was so old fashioned, and seemed nothing like he remembered from when he was a child and had come to visit his strange grandfather. However, he realized that it was important that ever man make his own place in the world, and this was his destiny to restore the farm to its former glory… and hook up with as many girls as possible along the way.

"Is there anything else you need guidance with?" the mayor was obviously tired, yawning loudly to hint that he was finished with "helping" for the day.

"No, I think I'll be fine, thanks." They said their goodbyes and were on their merry little ways.

Upon arriving back at his new home, Jack II noticed that the door was open a crack. That was peculiar, he hadn't even gone inside yet… _someone is robbing me! I haven't even been here a day and someone has the nerve to try and rob me!_

Jack II stormed inside his farmhouse and was ready to raise hell when a very concerned looking stranger turned and greeted him.

"Hi, I'm Gotz, the town carpenter. I was just walking along the beach when all of a sudden I found a young girl lying unconscious along the sands. She must have washed up on the shore, but she doesn't seem to remember what happened to her. I thought perhaps you may be able to take care of her for a couple of days while she recuperates, seeing how you live alone and all…" Gotz had been a little too bold in his statement, but Jack II didn't mind at all. He was excited at the thought of a girl staying with him and the only thought on his mind now was how cute she would be.

"No problem at all!" Jack II smiled to himself and walked over to the bed where the girl had been resting. He sat down on the end of the bed and gently shook her awake.

"Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack!" the girl jumped up instantly and hugged him tightly before he could register in his mind who it was that was clinging to him.

"…Oh god… please, no!" Jack II's dreams all suddenly came to a crushing death.

"We're gonna live together again! Forever and ever and ever and ever and…"

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Intermission

The next day was a beautiful spring morning. Jack II laid alone in the shade under a big oak tree, unable to keep his eyes open. Last night had been terrible, with his sister's constant screaming and yelling and dancing and stupid ideas. And there was nothing he could do at the moment about her, something had obviously gone horribly wrong on the ship she had been on and he figured it had all been her fault.

Perhaps in the coming week he would be able to send her back home to his parents and they could deal with her. As for the present, sleeping was not something he would have the luxury of doing.

"Whatcha doooooooin'!?" the annoying voice sent him ten feet in the air.

"What do you want, Jill!?" Jack II yelled.

"I wanna go to the beach!" she demanded.

"Rrrrgh! Then go!"

"I can't go alone 'cause it's dangerous and I don't know where I am and mummy and daddy aren't here to protect me and they said I'm too young and stuff!" she tried to explain what he knew all too well. She wasn't too young. She was too stupid.

"Mom and dad don't have to know. Go."

"Take me NOW!!!!!"

"Leave me the hell alone!" he screamed at her.

Jill started crying like a child and stamping her feet in protest. "You're mean!"

"I hate you!' Jack II jumped to his feet.

"You do not! You love me!" Jill stopped crying suddenly and got very serious.

"I hate you and I always have!"

"No you don't! You looove me, Jack looooves me!" Jill began to sing the words to her brother's annoyance.

"Who's this?" Karen appeared out of nowhere and started poor Jack II with her sudden presence. Karen was a very pretty girl, and he knew very well that Jill could screw up all chances he had of ever dating her.

"Jackie loves me, he loooves me!" Jill continued her squealing song.

"Uh, I… Karen, hi," Jack II stumbled over his words.

"This… is your girlfriend?" Karen asked.

"Her!?" Jack II was stunned.

Jill just then noticed the pretty girl in front of her and heard the word 'girlfriend', instantly believing that Karen was Jack II's new girl.

"Girlfriend! Yes! Jack Has a girlfriend!" Jill yelled excitedly, bouncing uncontrollably.

"Oh, I see…" Karen seemed surprised, and most likely a little frightened by the jumping maniac before her.

"Jill! Stop it!" Jack II didn't know what to do.

"Well my name is Karen, it's nice to meet you, Jill," Karen forced a smile. "I just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out with me today, Jack, but it seems that you already have plans. I'll see you later." Karen began her walk home as Jack II stood in place, absolutely mortified at what his sister had just cost him.

"Do you have any idea what you just did!?" Jack II was about to explode with rage.

"Yes! I met your girlfriend, and she is pretty!" Jill complimented. "Now let's go to the beach!" she grabbed her older brother by the arm and pulled him with her. There was nothing he could do but go along, his mind had not fully taken in what had happened, and he was too stunned to move of his own accord.

"Y…you…I, Karen…" he mouthed the words in astonishment.

The rest of the day was spent on the beach as Jack II sat by himself on the warm sand and thought about the tragic events that had taken place earlier and Jill splished and splashed her way through the water. If she had gone too far out, she most likely would have shared the same fate as her late grandfather.

It was as they were leaving that Jack II decided something had to be done about his sister. She had to go. He didn't know how or when he was going to get rid of her, but he knew that it had to be soon.

Before he had gone to mineral town, his parents mentioned that they wanted him to keep a diary that kept record of what he had accomplished. He had not done anything productive yet, but he supposed that he might as well write in it to explain why that was so.

_Spring 2nd, Year 1._

_This is terrible! I'm not here one day yet when who washes ashore but that little brat, Jill! Mom, dad, I dunno what you plan to do with that girl but she is making my life here a living hell! How am I supposed to get anything done with her around? I can't even sleep because she's so loud and annoying! I'm sending her back to live with you as soon as I can figure out a way to pay for the services. _

It wasn't until Jack II fell asleep that Jill found the diary and decided that she should be able to write in it as well.

_Dae 2, munth 1, yeer 1_

_I had fun on ship! Captin wuz rilly mad at mee, but heez gon nao and I im with mi big bruthr jakee so its ok. O o o! jak haz a grlfrend nao! Sheez rilly prity and stuff! 2dae we winted 2 the beeech and I plad in the wotr. I tink I swlod a fish! It wuz yummy._

**THE END**

(So there's the premiere! Hopefully the episodes will get funnier along the way, the season opener tends to be a little dry but its tough when you have to intro all the characters. Lemme know what you think and keep sending in your ideas!)


	2. Episode 2

**_EPISODE TWO: _FRIENDS OF MINERAL TOWN**

Jack II had finally found the time to lie down in his nice, comfortable bed and slip away into sleep when the door burst open and Jill began to scream at the top of her lungs. There were no familiar words he could pick out in the long annoying wail, but that was how Jill usually yelled. Grabbing the pillow from behind his aching head, Jack II put it over his face in an attempt to smother himself to death.

"You're a lazy farmer," Jill observed as she yanked the pillow from his hands and ended yet another opportunity for her brother to leave his miserable life once and for all.

"You're a pain in the ass!" Jack II heard her gasp at his foul language.

"Get up, sleepy, peepy, weepy, creepy,"

"Shut up!"

"…head."

"Just for once, can you please just shut your yap and allow me some time to sleep?! I can't get anything done with you here!" Jack II fell back on his bed, forgetting that the pillow was no longer there and bumped his head harshly against the headboard. Jill laughed at this.

"Nope," Jill finally answered matter of factly.

Jack II rubbed the back of his head, it was indeed bruised from the accident. It was no use, he knew now that Jill had found her way home from the park (where he had left her in hopes that she'd be lost for days) that sleep was nothing but an impossible dream… and even dreams required sleep to happen.

"Go back to the park. You were having fun there, weren't you?"

"Yep."

"Then why not go back?"

"A really, really old man told me stuff," Jill smiled.

"Such as…?"

Jill concentrated a moment, tried with all her mental capacity to remember the important news she had recently been told.

"Well?" Jack II said impatiently.

"I forget." Jill started hitting herself in the head with her fist, hoping it would make her remember.

Jack II snatched the pillow out of her free hand and laid back down on it, satisfied that she was occupied for the next… who knows how long.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

"DOOR!!!!" Jill gasped in excitement as she bounced to the entrance to their house and opened the door.

"Um, hi!" it was Elli, the girl who worked as the doctor's assistant at the hospital.

Jill rammed the door shut.

"Who was it?" Jack II asked, only half interested.

"A squirrel," Jill looked very angry.

Knowing his sister was indeed telling a lie, Jack II tiredly walked to the door and opened it to the poor girl on the other side. "Sorry about that," he apologized.

"It's no problem, I'm sure Stu has told her lots of bad things about me. You know, the 'evil' big sister that never has the time to play," Elli smiled sweetly at him.

"Stu… isn't he like, 5 years old or something?" Jack II asked.

"Yeah, he's quite smart for his age though," Elli obviously believed her words to be true.

_Then why is he hanging out with my retarded little sister? _Jack almost said aloud. It would have been rude.

"Hisssssss!" Jill warned Elli off with an inhuman sound.

"Is she alright?" Elli asked Jack II.

"Would it make a difference if I said no?" Jack II was not amused, but pleased when he got a laugh from her.

"I guess not. Anyways, I was just stopping by to make sure you knew about the festival today, it's the annual Spring Goddess Festival and it's gonna be lots of fun!"

_A festival? And no one had even thought to tell me about it until now? Jill is screwing up everything!_ Jack II cursed in his mind.

"Fair! Fair! Fair!" Jill danced to the sound of her own voice.

"Ah, yes… must have slipped my mind. Awful kind of you to come and remind me, I've been really busy is all," Jack II lied. "My name is Jack, by the way."

"I'm Elli, nice to meet you."

Intermission

"Yes!" Jill screamed in anger as loud as she could, at an almost deafening pitch. Jack II had to cover his ears to withstand the blast of sound waves that radiated from her lungs.

"No! You're not going and that is final!"

"I am so! You can't tell me what to do, you have assmum!"

"It's 'ASTHMA', you twit! And that has nothing to do with my state of mind, so as your superior older brother I forbid you to go to that festival!"

Jill folded her arms tightly in defiance and pouted as harshly as she could. Jack II was being unfair to her and she did not understand why. It did not affect her brother in any way, as he walked out the door and slammed it shut with her still inside.

Jack II knew it was only a matter of time before she showed up to the fair despite his warning, and he had to act quickly in establishing his social position within the town before she crashed the party. Perhaps he would make allies with all the richer folk of the community, chat with the mayor about politics and such, gain a little info on how one was to maintain a farm like the one he had inherited, and maybe even flirt with the girls if he had enough time.

When he had finally reached town square, he noticed that everything was covered in beautiful pink flowers.

_Kinda gay, _he observed.

"Oh, you made it!" Elli greeted him.

"Yeah, I'm glad you reminded me."

"Let me introduce you to the doctor," she grabbed his hand eagerly and pulled him deeper into the crowd of people. Jack II was excited to be meeting someone of such a reputation, the good doctor was a saint amongst the people and had saved many lives in his time.

"Doctor, this is Jack," Elli smiled.

The doctor looked him up and down, not seemingly too impressed by the young fellow.

"Ah, the newcomer. Enjoying your stay with us?"

"Uh… sure," Jack II suddenly felt embarrassed. It was something the doctor's voice that lead him to believe his 'stay' would be shorter than expected. "So you run the clinic all by yourself?"

"Well, Elli here does more for me than you can imagine," the doctor smiled with a wink. Jack II instantly hated this man, to be posing the idea that this poor innocent girl could be his… Nevermind, we'll try to keep this PG rated.

"Hey," Jack turned around to the voice behind him. The familiar face was none other than Karen, the pretty blond girl he had met on his first day in town.

"Karen!" Jack II was surprised beyond hiss senses.

"Haha, nice to see you can remember a name," she laughed. "So where's your little girlfriend at?"

"Actually, about that…" Jack II knew that he had to explain the situation to her before she lost interest in him completely.

"They're doing just peachy!" Rick came up from behind Karen and put his arm securely around her shoulders. "I saw them at the springs yesterday as I was passing by. Cute little lovebirds, but you should be careful what you do in public. Never know who's gonna be around to see it." He grinned evilly.

"That's not true!" Jack II cried in outrage.

"Aw, c'mon! You can deny it all you want, I saw you as clear as day. Man, you two must have been going at it for almost…"

"Rick!" Karen was embarrassed, knowing that Jack II could probably read the disappointed look in her eyes at the though that he was so in love with someone else.

"I'm just saying, some things are meant to be done in privacy," Rick began to pull his best friend away from the poor distraught farmer.

"I…I," Jack II couldn't do anything as the two disappeared into the large crowd of civilians.

"Don't take it so harshly," an old woman was suddenly beside him, her glasses were as thick as the bottoms of his shoes. "Those two have been best friends forever, nothing could ever come between them. She doesn't love him the way he does her, but I suppose that in time she'll get used to the idea that they were meant for each other."

"But he's such a…" Jack II stopped himself as he realized that he had never met this person before. "You're…"

"Elli's grandmother, Ellen. I knew your grandfather very well."

"Oh, I…"

"No need to apologize, dear," she smiled.

Jack II forced himself to laugh at this joke, knowing well that under normal circumstances he'd find it to be funny. _Oh well, I guess I could go chat with the mayor for a while…_

"Attention, attention!" a voice came from the center of the square. "Welcome all, I'm very pleased with the turn out this year," it was the mayor giving his speech. "This year, the wonderful young girls have come up with a dance to show us in celebration of this grand event. Ladies…"

The girls all gathered in the middle of town square and began their elegant display of dance. Jack II felt like he was in heaven. Mary, Karen, Elli, Popuri, and Ann moved like angels. There was only one that seemed off beat, a short little spastic girl that looked like…

"Oh No!" Jack II clawed at his face as he realized the one that struggled to keep up with the other girls was his bratty little sister. Jill waved at him with a big smile on her face, her tongue hung out of her mouth, just like her grandfather used to do when he was having a fun time. The girls twirled, Jill spun around and got dizzy. The girls balanced on their tiptoes, Jill collapsed with a loud clap to the ground. The girls elegantly fluttered to their sides, Ann tripped Over Jill. Mary tripped over Ann. Elli tripped over Mary and landed on Popuri's foot, Popuri kicked her hard in the ribs. Karen slapped Popuri in defense, Popuri slapped her back.

Soon, all 6 girls were fighting each other in fierce slapping fits of cat fighting, and Jill laughed giddily as she playfully beat the hell out of whoever seemed closest to her.

"I don't suppose they'll all have one big group hug after this fiasco," Jack II mumbled in aggravation to himself.

Intermission

"She tripped me!" Mary cried out in her own defense.

"I did not! I tripped over someone!" Ann shot back at the frightened young girl.

"That's a lie and you know it!" Popuri screamed.

"Girls, girls!" The mayor stepped in to break up the drama that was unfolding. The rest of the residents had all gone home, except for the five dancers who had ruined today's event. "I don't know what has gotten into you all, but you had better smarten up. Do you realize what happened today? You were supposed to work together to make this festival extra special this year, and look what happened!"

The girls looked down at the ground shamefully, knowing that what the mayor had said of them was true.

Jack II knelt down behind a mailbox, watching as the scene unfolded before him.

"Whatcha doin'?" Jill whispered to her older brother, alarming him beyond a healthy point.

"Shut up!" Jack II tried to keep quiet. _If they hear us now, they'll know I've been spying on them!_

"I can say whatever I want," Jill persistently kept on whispering.

"Fine, just keep quiet."

"I want you all to think about what has happened, and figure out some way to make it up to the townspeople in this coming weeks," the mayor instructed. With that, he was on his way, leaving the girls alone to sort out their ordeal.

"You guys, I swear… there was someone else up there with us, but I didn't see her face in time," Ann was very serious.

_Oh, no! If they find out it was Jill, they'll blame ME for it, _Jack II was in a panic. Jill read the look on his face and immediately knew that he was upset over what she had done. It was time to make things right so that her big brother could be happy again.

"It was me!" Jill bounced up from her hiding place.

The rest of the girls stared at her, stunned by the sudden appearance of the strange little girl. Jack II slapped himself in the forehead, not believing what was happening to him.

"You? Why did you ruin our dance?" Popuri accused her.

"I felt left out," Jill was telling the truth.

The girls looked at each other in disbelief, and then they realized that this poor new girl had felt shunned away by them and had not received the welcome that she deserved.

"We're sorry, I had completely forgotten that we had a new girl in the town," Karen explained. The rest of the girls agreed, they had been selfish.

"That's okay!" Jill smiled, pleased that she had made new friends.

"Um, just two small questions for you," Popuri raised her eyebrow at Jill.

"YAY!" Jill was good at this game.

"First of all, what is your name?"

"Jill!" she announced loudly.

"Hello, Jill," they all greeted.

"Second of all," Popuri continued. "What were you doing hiding behind that mailbox?"

Jill thought for a moment, then proudly grabbed her brother by the hair and pulled him up for the girls to see.

"Ouch!" Jack II yelped.

"Ah…" the girls now understood.

"This is not what it looks like!" Jack II tried to assure them.

"Wow, you two are really nuts about each other, aren't you," Ann stated, disappointingly. The other girls all agreed.

"Nuts are good!" Jill danced around.

"Kill me, now," Jack II pleaded to the heavens.

_Spring 8th, Year 1._

_So I basically have no time to sleep, no money to live on, no time to myself, and the whole bloody town thinks I'm in love with my &$ing SISTER! This has got to be the worst year of my entire life! Why did you have to have her? Couldn't you just accept that you had the perfect child the first time and be happy? Nooooo! You morons had to keep going and have the stupidest, ugliest, most annoying little… _

_Uh, note to self… get a second bed tomorrow._

_Dae 8, Munth 1, Yeer 1_

_I mayd noo frenz 2dae. I prformd a danss to! The taoon luvs mee alott! I tink pepl donnt lik jak tho, hees a bit 2 krazy sumtims. _

**THE END **

(Sorry it was a little late, hopefully now that I quit my job I'll have more time for this in the future… and school too maybe lol).


	3. Episode 3

**_EPISODE THREE: _REVENGE OF THE SPRITES**

Jack II Stood in bewilderment as the question repeated itself over and over in his mind.

"Are…are you serious?" he barely had enough oxygen to breath the words.

"The whole litter, I'm afraid," old Barley's head sunk low. "Except for this one, that is," a sparkle could now be seen in the old man's eyes as he looked down at the young pup in front of him. "And I know you probably don't have the money to pay for him, but we were going to give you one anyways as a welcoming gift… so perhaps if you could help me out at the farm over the next couple of weeks, that would be payment enough?"

"Ofcourse!" Jack II leapt for joy, picking the young pup off the ground and holding him up in the air to get a better look. "This is the greatest thing anyone has ever given to me, I promise to take good care of him!"

"Haha, I was hoping you'd do just that," Barley smiled. The old man did not have time to raise yet another dog, and Jack II seemed the best candidate for the job. "Anyways, I have to get going and feed the chickens. Make sure to play with him everyday!"

"Oh, you have nothing to worry about," Jack II set the dog down and waved goodbye to his wonderful neighbor. _Now to get him into the henhouse before…_

"Doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy!" Jill ran out from the house and grabbed the animal from the safe earth beneath.

"Careful, he's just a baby!" Jack II cried.

"What's its name?! Can I name him!?" Jill pleaded with her older brother.

"Tch… I doubt you could come up with anything good," Jack II doubted.

"Ruff!" Jill announced.

Jack II was ready to object, but this name was agreeable with him because he remembered the old dog his grandfather had owned for many years. When Jack II was a little boy and came to visit the farm, there was a stuffed dog named Ruff that always sat by his grandpa's bed. Jack the 1st had never seemed to notice that the dog had died, because Eve (his wife) had the little fellow stuffed before he could find out. Jack II knew was too young to know that the dog was dead, but as the years went by he figured it out. He had many memories of talking to the little dog, and asking him why his grandfather did the strange things he did…

"Ruff the 2nd it is then," Jack II laughed to himself. Jill gave him an odd look.

Arf!

The dog had run off into the vacant fields as soon as his paws hit the ground once again, and seemed to be headed towards something specific.

"Hey… what is that?" Jack II peered off into the fields at the object as the dog stopped and sniffed at it.

Walking over to investigate as Jill began to chase the poor pup, Jack II could now see what the object was. _It's a letter…_

Opening the envelope, Jack II read the tiny printing:

_Greetings,_

_It is with great regret that we must inform you of your impending doom, human. Enjoy your day, for when night falls, we are coming to destroy you for what your elder has done to us!_

"…signed, the sprites?"

Intermission

Jack II went to town later that day to investigate into the myth of the "sprites", an old tale told by the inhabitants of the town for many years. Most of the older folks knew the story very well, that the harvest sprites were birthed by the harvest goddess herself in order to help those in need. Many generations of great farmers had been prosperous in their work with the help of the little elven workers, and the tradition had continued until Jack II's grandfather had come to the village.

"So what did my grandpa do to make them angry with him?" Jack II inquired of Basil, a botanist and author of many books.

"Well, just because there's no record of them ever helping him out doesn't mean that they were mad at him. Perhaps they just thought that he was a very capable farmer?" Basil suggested.

Jack II knew that to be false, obviously because of the note that he had found earlier that morning. And even if he hadn't found it, he knew very well from his many childhood visits that his grandfather had not been a very capable man, in any sense of the word.

"Uh, sure… so they tell me," Jack II diverted. _Idiots, all of them!_

"Haha, sure he seemed kind of strange when I met him, but keep in mind I didn't meet him until he was well into old age. Age does things to the mind, you know? I'm sure he was as bright as can be when he was younger," the botanist reasoned.

"Yeah, I guess I never thought of it that way. That reminds me, maybe I should visit his grave sometime, even though they never found his body. I have yet to see the tombstone," Jack II bade his friend goodbye and was back on his way to the farm.

Meanwhile, Jill was getting bored of playing with her new toy (Ruff 2).

"You don't say very much, do you?" she glared down at the little dog.

Arff!

"You're stupid!" Jill yelled angrily. The pup cocked his head sideways, trying desperately to understand the girl. It was hopeless, why should he be expected to when no English speaking person ever could?

**Crunch**

"What was…?" Jill looked around to find the source of the footstep, and sure enough, behind the barn something could be seen. She was too far away to decipher what it was exactly, but it did seem like a small animal of some kind. "Aha!" she screamed as she lunged after the rodent.

"Ahhhhhhhh!" the creature cried as it ran behind the farmhouse.

Jill ran after it while Ruff 2 ran to the other side in an attempt to corner their prey, and within seconds the animal had been snatched up by the baby dog.

Looking down at her faithful new companion, a little green elf between his teeth and his tail wagging in pride, Jill belted the dog across the head.

"That's MINE!" she yelled as the little man fell to the ground dizzily. She grabbed him up and looked at him hard.

"P…please, don't hurt me! I was sent to spy on you. I never wanted to…"

"You're playing a game and didn't tell me! I wanna play!" Jill was angry all over again.

"No, NO! You can play, just um… you need to wait until my friends get here tonight and we can inform them of your participation in our wonderful game!" the sly sprite knew that when his comrades had come to his rescue, they would show no mercy.

"Okay! But what if they don't come?"

The desperate sprite tried his best to convince her that they would indeed come, but she was not yet convinced.

"Well they better be quick, I'm bored. I have an idea that will make them come faster though!" Jill had a devilish look in her eyes.

It was only a few moments later that Jack II arrived at the farm and realized immediately that Jill and the dog were nowhere in sight.

"Oh, no! Ruff! Where are ya boy! They were supposed to take HER away, not you too!" running inside the farmhouse, Jack II was relived to see his loyal pup awaiting his arrival at the door… and Jill a few feet away.

"Hiya, big brother!" she giggled.

"Jill, I have no time for your games right now. We need to eat, and then come up with a plan to defend ourselves against those sprites, I hear they are a very talented people."

"Okay! Supper will be ready soon! We're having stew!" Jill smiled widely.

"You're preparing dinner? What's the catch?" Jack II walked over to the pot on the stove, which was just beginning to get warm. Inside the pot was a little gnome-like figure, tied up at the limbs with tape across his mouth, eyes in a panic.

"JILL! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!?"

"Hahaha, we're playing prisoner of war! His friends are coming to rescue him, but if they don't hurry… you and me get to eat him!" Jill cackled, her plan was foolproof.

"You can't eat him! Now they'll definitely try and kill us!" Jack II quickly untied the captive sprite and apologized.

"Stop, Jackie! You're ruining my stew!" Jill began to attack her brother with slaps to the face.

"I'm free!" the little sprite ran out of the farmhouse as fast as he could, it was time to rendezvous with the troops and prepare for attack!

"Jill, stop hitting me! He got away!" Jack II pointed at the door.

"Is this a bad time?" a voice came from the front door. It was Kano, the village photographer, or at least that is what he wanted to be.

"Actually," Jack II wanted to be truthful.

"Kaaaaannnnooooo!" Jill lunged at the poor man and hugged him a little too tightly.

"Ugh, yes, yes… not so tight now. You were about to say, Jack?"

"He was gonna say that we're at war with the oompa loompas!" Jill cut in.

"You're what?" Kano was confused.

"Look behind you," Jill pointed. Behind him was an army of little sprites, with little farm tools in their hands as weapons. There had to have been at least 30 of them, all ready to engage in battle.

"Oh, no! It's worse than I thought!" Jack II jumped up on his counter in fright.

"What in the name of…?" Kano took out hiss little camera and snapped in disbelief.

A little sprite with a stern look on his face stepped forward, "Sprites, prepare to engage the enemy!"

Intermission

"What did we ever do to deserve this?!" Jack II yelled in all hopelessness.

"One of our platoons were annihilated by your ancestor, and we have come to reek revenge!"

"Hey, no fair! It's like a million to one!" Jill yelled. "And we never got weapons!"

"Ready you weapons!" the leader ordered.

It was the end of the line, the three humans were trapped in the farmhouse with nowhere else to turn. The sprites began their quick advance on the farm, as Jack II and Kano stood motionless in pure terror. Jill, however, was not about to give up, and ran quickly to the boiling pot of water in the kitchen.

Before anyone could figure out what was happening, Jill launched the pot into the crowd of sprites intending to burn them severely. Instead, however, the water did more than burn the unsuspecting elves.

"Ahhhhh!! I'm melting, MELTING!" they all shouted as they began to fade away into nothingness. It was only the first row of troops that had been wiped out though, and soon the rest of the sprites were running past their fallen friends to destroy their enemies.

"Water! Water is their weakness!" Jack II announced. Unfortunately, they were trapped inside the house away from more water, and the pond was the only place they could get more.

"What do we do now?" Kano cried.

"We need a disrakshin…" Jill answered.

"You mean a distraction?" Kano corrected.

"Yep," Jill kicked him into the crowd of oncoming sprites, and he was torn to pieces.

"Jill!?! What the hell!?" Jack II was astounded.

"The window!" Jill ran to open the glass screen. In seconds they were running towards the pond, Ruff 2 safely in Jack II's arms, and all jumped in.

The sprites finished destroying poor Kano and ran to the edge of the pond, but Jack II and Jill began splashing at them to make sure they kept their distance.

"They've discovered our weakness!"

The sprites began to throw their weapons into the water, things were looking bad for the two siblings once again.

"Ow! Those tiny pitch forks hurt!" Jack II whined. "We need more time to think!"

Jill figured that her time buying tactic had worked great with Kano, and this time, she threw the poor little dog out of the pond and into the crowd of bloodthirsty warriors.

"No! Ruuuffff!" Jack yelled.

"There, that should buy us enough time to think," Jill smiled, thinking nothing of her terrible actions.

The dog stood in the middle of the tiny army as they were about to attack him. Instinctively, the dog began to shake the water out of her fur as dogs always do when wet. This proved too hazardous to the sprites, and soon the entire troop was covered in water, and they all began to melt away to nothingness.

"Look!" Jack II yelled in triumph.

Soon, there was no one left in the tall grass but the happy little puppy named Ruff 2. Jack and Jill ran out of the pond to hug the dog, and in the excitement, even hugged each other in thankfulness.

"Um," a feminine voice came from behind them. It was Popuri, Karen, and Rick. Popuri bit her lip, "We can come back if this is a bad time…"

"Uh, this isn't what it looks like! I swear!" Jack II pleaded, it was time to set the records straight once and for all.

"Yeah, he's my brother! Isn't that weird?" Jill had the biggest smile across her face as she said this.

The dry trio stood in disgust, shocked and disbelieving.

"That's… oh, my God!" Karen couldn't say anything more.

"You're dating your own sister!? That's gross Jack, even for you," Rick took the girls by their hands and pulled them in another direction.

"No, wait! I… we weren't, we've never…" Jack II tried, but they were gone.

"You liiiiike them, you loooove them, you want to marrrrry them! Hahahaha," Jill hadn't understood what had just happened, but the look on her older brother's face was funny enough to evoke a laugh.

Once again, Jack II was unable to move from his place as he stood in bewilderment over what had just transpired. Jill may have accidentally saved his life, but in the end she managed to ruin it all over again.

_Spring 24th, Year 1._

_That's it, that is absolutely it! I can't take it here anymore! Grandpa was a friggin moron and you wouldn't believe the kind of people we have trying to get revenge on us for things he's done, and Jill… dear god! Either she goes, or I come back home. You may hate me for the extreme precautions I am forced to take, but then again, you sent her off on a ship to god knows where… so DON'T judge me!_

_Dae 25, Munth 1, Yeer 1._

_We got a doggeeeee! And he distroyd a hole bonch uv elfvs. _

_P.S. yoo need 2 lern Jack hao to spel. I cen barly reed his jernls._

**THE END**

(Sorry again for being late, the last days of my job took more of my time than I thought.)


	4. Episode 4

**_EPISODE FOUR: _THE DEPORTED**

Yes, it was another glorious Summer day, and Jack II ran outside as fast as he could to once again admire the crops he had finally planted at the beginning of the season. They had been coming along nicely, and sometimes he would just sit and stare at the wonders that would be his income.

"Oh, dear God… No!" he screamed at the top of his lungs as he found nothing but an empty field. "Jill, get the hammer! Either we have rodents, or those sprites have come back to ruin me!"

Just then, Jill came tired out of the farmhouse and rubbed her eyes.

"Mmm?" a smile ran across her face from ear to ear. In less than 20 seconds, Jill had run into the toolshed and come back with the axe (favoring it over the hammer) and awaited further orders.

"Fetch Ruff and have him sniff out the thief," Jack II commanded. Jill complied, summoning the poor dog with a loud and crude threat. The pup ran out of the farmhouse joyfully and bounced around until Jill waved the axe in his face as warning to stop. Kicking him gently in the direction of the stolen crops was the only way Jack II could get him to start sniffing, it seemed to work for a few short seconds but then he stopped and looked up at his two masters in confusion.

Jill leaned over and whispered to her brother, "What is he looking for?"

"I told you! The crops have been stolen, ripped from the very roots right out from the ground! Someone or something has plotted against me!"

Jill stood in amazement as she looked down upon the dog, "He's amazing!"

"Who is?" Jack II gave an odd look.

"Doggy,"

"Why is that?"

"He found the 'someone'," she looked very serious.

It took Jack II a moment to figure out what she had meant, but then, "JILLLLLLL!!!!!!!!"

Jill dropped the axe in terror from the sudden cry and ran away as fast as she could, not knowing why he was mad at her but afraid for good reason as picked up the fallen axe and chased after her.

Somehow, Jill got away and spent the rest of the morning in hiding. It was at this time that Jack II walked to the mayor's house and knocked on his door.

"Jack! What a surpise," the mayor greeted.

"Hey, I have a question for you, and it's really important,"

"Ah, ask away,"

"I have a pretty big package that I need to mail away back to my parents. It won't exactly fit in the mail box, and I need a box I can put it in as well,"

"Ofcourse, ofcourse! We have plenty of big crates down by the beach, you could use one of those to put it in. Just put a stamp on top and an address, then put it beside the mailbox when you're finished. The mailman will do the rest," the mayor smiled, happy to be of help.

"Thanks, I owe you a brew," Jack II waved farewell and headed back to his home. Laughing to himself, he cackled, "Time to mail my sister, and give my parents back what they deserve,"

Intermission

Jack arrived home and waited for the remainder of the day until Jill came jumping home like a maniac… ignore the metaphor, it's redundant.

"I went to the park and the beach and I coughed water and fighted that stupid little kid and I'm sorry for whatever you're mad at me for and I promise I'll never do it again ever, ever , ever!" she so subtly apologized.

"How can you promise you'll never do it again when you don't even know what 'it' is?!!!" Jack II tried to make sense of her.

"I just DID, didn't I?"

"Argh!" Jack II was discouraged completely. "Okay, Jill, as a means of making it up to me,"

"Means…" Jill tried to decipher.

"As a 'WAY'," Jack II rolled his eyes.

"Away from what?"

"Goddang it, Jill, just get in the flippin' crate!" Jack II had absolutely had it.

"OOOoooooo! Why?"

"Because, we are playing a game, now get in," Jack II commanded his dumb little sister.

Jill perked up immediately, "Game, game, game, game, game!" she ran inside the crate happily, which was then jammed shut, bolted tightly, and taken to the nearest mailbox. "How do I win?"

"Just don't talk to people as they pass by. Eventually mom and dad will come and find you," he lied.

"Mommy and daddy are coming? Yaaaaayyyy!"

"Shush!" Jack II left and headed for home where he would write in his journal and forget that the little brat ever existed as he drifted off to sleep.

_Summer the 8th, Year 1._

_I was so close to being able to ship those crops off and make some money, but that stupid little brat screwed things up again! She's your problem now, hahaha! Deal with it!_

**THE E**(not so fast, there's more…)

Jack II awoke bright and early the next morning to a knock on his door.

"Yeah?" he groggily greeted the tall man.

"Package for one Jack (something er other) the 2nd,"

Looking past the mailman, Jack II cursed as he immediately spotted the big crate he had mailed off the night before. Walking over to it in a rage, he cursed aloud.

"RETURN TO SENDER!?! For crying out loud! Who do they think they are?"

"I'm gonna need you to sign this, please," the mailman handed Jack II a pen wearily, and retracted his arm after a frighteningly evil glare reflected his gaze. "I'll sign that for you,"

The man left quickly, leaving Jack II to open the crate and find… nothing.

"Huh?"

"BOO!"

"AAHHH!"

"Heehehehehehee!" Jill had jumped out from behind the crate. "I saw mommy, and I saw daddy, and I saw our old house, and then mommy cried and said a lot of bad words…"

"I can imagine," Jack II grunted angrily as he recomposed himself. "I have something to go do in town, stay here," he began his trip to town.

It was a reflective walk into town, and Jack II wasn't sure if he was seeing the right person to solve his 'problem', but he was becoming desperate.

"Hi, Louis," Jack II greeted the crazy old man. It was said that a few years back, this poor unfortunate soul was taken advantage of by a traveling merchant by the name of Won. Won haunted the town and lurked in the shadows for 2 full years before he was caught, and it was because of the large sum of money that he had bamboozled out of Louis that Won was caught and gotten rid of.

"Farmer kid, guy, dude, man! The guy who owns the farm that previously wasn't his… do you happen to have an infestation of bees?"

"Um, no," Jack II was creeped out by the crazy old man.

"Fiddlesnacks, n' such… and so on and so forth."

"Uh, I'm here to ask you about Won, the man who…"

"I know who Won is… was, is, was… used to be."

"Right, uh… I was wondering what happened to him."

"Deported, they took him away to his country of origin, that is the place he used to come from before he was here and then there. Again,"

"Deported, Jill can do a damn good impression of Simon Cowell! I can have her deported to England!" Jack II pranced around much in the fashion of his younger sibling herself.

"American Idol sucks! Did suck… used to suck, and sucks now, and will always su… always did and always will… suck." Louis was tiring himself out.

"Uh huh, thanks, Louis. I owe you one," Jack II ran back to the farm in preparation. It was time to get Jill to do her Simon Cowell impression for the rest of the day, then alert the authorities. Jill was chasing after the dog in the yard when he arrived… with an axe.

"Jill! Stop doing that to him, you're gonna scare the poor thing to death,"

"He can really be scared… to def?"

"… can you do your Simon Cowell impression for the rest of the day for me?"

"It wus bloody huhrrible, absssoloootly ohfol."

"Good,"

"Simply dreadfol, the wuhst puhfomance I've evuh…"

"Okay,"

"Huhd in my lyfe,"

"Jill! Stop!!"

Intermission

Barley Yodel's young granddaughter, May, came to see her dear friend off before the authorities came to deport poor Jill.

"I'm gonna miss you," May cried.

"Why? Where are you going?" Jill became overexcited.

"She's going on a trip," Jack II cut in, not wanting his sister to catch on that it was instead she herself that was leaving.

"I am?" May looked at Jack II oddly.

Just then, two men in big jackets showed up at the farm, "Okay, where's the girl that got into this grand country of ours illegally?" the rigid older man demanded.

"Jill," Jack II whispered. "Do your impression!"

"You aw the absssoloot ugliest mann I hev evuh saen in my eniya…"

"It's the asian girl, idiot," the younger gentleman lashed out as he grabbed May by the arm.

"Hey! Stop it, I'm not…" May protested.

"Nice try, miss, just because you know English doesn't mean we're gonna fall for that load of…"

"No wait! She's telling the truth!"

"Look, son," the older man held Jack II by the shoulder and prepared to give him a life changing speech. "I know that sometimes we may think we're in love when we really aren't,"

"Huh?" Jack II was puzzled.

"But someday, I'm sure you'll find a nice North American girl your OWN age and you'll see that this is nothing but a simple case of infatuation," the older man continued.

"But,"

Heeeeelllllpppp!" Grandfather!" May yelled as she was hauled off the younger authority.

"Let me finish," the older man held Jack II in place. "I'm sure she'll find happiness someday too, when she's older and of AGE," he placed emphasis on key words.

"But you don't understand! It's…" Jack II tried to stop them, but the two men were already ignoring him as they walked off with poor little May.

"Bye, May! Have a nice trip!" Jill waved happily.

They were gone.

"Barley is going to kill me," Jack II stared off motionlessly.

"You aw the weakest link, goobye!" Jill continued with her funny accents. Jack II was unamused.

Just then, shy little Maria walked by.

"Um, hi," she peeped, almost looking as though she were trying to hide her face behind her should.

"Hi…" Jack II was completely in shock over the events which had just taken place and barely noticed that anything else was even happening.

"I was wondering, something really strange has been going on in town and…" she almost lost her nerve. "Everyone is wondering, have you seen Kano lately?"

"Yes!" Jill announced happily.

"Oh, good. We're all worried because he hasn't been seen in a long time. The other thing is, there's a rumor going around that the mailbox in town is being haunted by a crazy girl, has it been speaking to you too as you walk by it?"

Jill began to cry, for she is afraid of ghosts.

_Summer the 9th, Year 1._

_I hate you both._

_Dae 8, Munth 2, Yeer 1._

_Maa wint away on a tripp sumwere but I dono were and 2 nis men tuk her so I think she iz guna bee hapee. I wint on n edvensher last nite and I sa you 2 and a lot uv uther peepl._

**THE END**

(Okay, this was to make up for having such a long time between eps 2 and 3, hope you all enjoyed. The series is for the most part planned out in full so I can get working on them more easily now that I have FREE TIME lol.)


	5. Episode 5

**_EPISODE FIVE: _MEMORIES**

12 years ago…

"Grandpa, why is Bessy not moving?" little Jack II looked up wonderingly at his grandfather who stood beside him in amusement.

"…Let's ask her," Jack the 1st walked closer to the cow. "Bessy, why aren't you moving?"

The cow did not move.

"Grandpa, why is Bessy ignoring you?" Jack II asked another question.

"I don't know, Hubert, BESSY! WAKE THE HELL UP!" Jack kicked the cow as hard as he could.

"She still didn't move, grandpa! Do you think poor Bessy is sick?" Jack II looked up with sad eyes.

"Ofcourse not, Hubert, I've had Bessy longer than any other cow and she's never been sick a day in her life… this is the kind of cow that a man could rely on for anything. Milk, … um…"

"Then why isn't she moving?" Jack II interrupted.

Jack studied the animal another moment before answering, "She's dead," he smiled at his smart conclusion.

Jack II began to cry.

"Pop, what did you do now?" Indabox walked into the barn just then and picked little Jack II up.

"I'm not sure what killed the old maid, but I do know it could be one of ten things… maybe 14," Jack the first thought, ignoring the crying grandson.

"Jeez, dad, another dead animal? Didn't we just bury a cow last month?" Indabox fussed as he always did.

"Wow, It's been a whole month? She DID last a long time," Jack took off hiss cap and fanned his face.

"You can't upset Jack like this," Indabox whined.

"I'm not upset!" Jack assured him.

"THIS Jack!" Indabox held the little cryer up in the air.

"Hubert?"

"And stop calling him that! If he turns out to be anything like you, it'll confuse him beyond help," Indabox stormed out of the barn and began the march towards the house where Cici (his wife) was just setting the table for dinner. Jack stood alone in the barn looking at poor dead Bessy another moment before following.

"I know what I'm gonna have for supper tomorrow!" he rejoiced.

Dinner was set and the family sat down at the table as Jack II tried to calm himself. Jill sat in her high chair making weird noises and her parents dished out the food and on second inspection, they realized it was the old man who had been making the noises as Jill began to laugh.

"Mom, what's grandpa doing?" Jack II asked.

"Eat your food, dear," Cici told him.

"So dad, what are you gonna do with this place?" Indabox tried to start up a conversation.

"I'm gonna wait and see what Eve wants to do," Jack said rightly.

"Dad, she's not…"

"Indie," Cici interrupted.

"Yep, I'm sure she has big plans for this place," Jack smiled. "I'll tell ya though, she plays one hell of a hide and seek game."

Indabox and Cici gave a hushed look at one another, then the family went back to eating their dinner in silence.

Intermission

The next day, Jack II was out playing in the yard by himself while Jill terrorized her folks and Jack went on his daily hunt for his dear wife. Suddenly he realized he was being watched. A few feet away, a little girl stood silently, wonderingly.

"Hi," Jack II tried to break the ice.

"Hi," the girl answered back.

"What's yer name?"

"…I'm not supposed to tell strangers," she looked at the ground shyly.

"Oh, that's a stupid rule," Jack II was unimpressed. "I'm Jack, wanna play?"

"Mmm, yeah, but my parents said I'm not allowed."

"Why?" Jack II could see no reason in this.

"I'm also not allowed to be around your grampa, I think he's the leader of all strangers," the girl said gravely.

Jack II considered this a moment, "That's not a stupid rule," he agreed with her. The girl seemed confused by this, but perhaps this boy knew better than anyone the extent of the old man's insanity.

The two spent the rest of the day together. They ran, they laughed, they spied on old farmer Jack. Jack II had really made a new friend, but she absolutely refused to tell him her name, even when they weren't technically strangers to one another anymore. She had told him for the time being to call her 'Cinderella', after her favorite fairytale.

"Hubert, I need help," Jack walked towards the two.

"With what?" Jack II was suddenly interested while the girl made sure to keep her distance.

"I'm looking for Eve,"

"Gramma?"

"No, her name is Eve," Jack was very serious.

The two children laughed while Jack brushed it aside as stupid childsplay.

"How do we help?" the girl volunteered.

"Okay, I have a plan," Jack huddled with the kids. "First, we need to find…" the two children's eyes lit up in anticipation, "…Eve."

"Where?" Jack II was skeptical.

"The last place I saw her was… in the house!" Jack thought carefully.

"She's not in the house!" Jack II protested.

"How do you know?" Jack stuck out his tongue at the little bastard.

"Because I woulda seen her go in!" Jack II shot back.

"Oh," Jack thought for another moment. "You didn't, did you?"

"No!" Jack II and the girl laughed once more.

Jack the 1st was becoming irritated. "Well I don't know then, search everywhere!" with these words of wisdom, the 3 began their search.

They began around the farm, then they went into town and tried asking some of the friendly neighbors if they had seen Jack II's grandmother. They started by walking random people on the street, but none of them seemed to know who they were talking about. It was at this time that the little girl remembered that there was an old woman living in the village who might have known Eve, her name was Ellen.

Ellen lived with her granddaughter, Elli in a house placed in the middle of the town. Elli was off volunteering at the hospital this morning, but Ellen was up and about and opened the door to greet the two youngsters when they arrived.

"Oh, hello, dear. I see you have a new friend with you," Ellen smiled.

"Yeah, we're on an adventure," the girl jumped.

"Sounds like fun, is there anything I can help you with?" the old woman bade them to come inside.

"Did you know my gramma Eve?" Jack II asked.

The old woman studied his face for a moment and thought back to when she was a little girl, yes, Eve and her had known each other a very long time.

"Why, yes, I knew her quite well, actually."

"We're helping my grampa look for her, they're playing a super long game of hide and go seek," Jack II explained.

"I see," Ellen sighed as she tried to figure out how to approach this. "Well, perhaps that is something that your parents would be able to help you out with. I haven't seen Eve in a very long time, it must be some game they have going there," she tried to laugh.

"Good idea!" Jack II was excited.

The two children said goodbye and ran happily out of the house towards Jack's farm. Ellen slowly got up and made sure the door was tightly shut behind them. Sitting down in her rocking chair, Ellen began to cry.

Intermission

Jack II and his new friend arrived back at the farm, but it was then that the girl realized how late it was getting and decided to go home.

"Will I see you again tomorrow?" she asked.

"No, we're leaving early," Jack II said sadly.

The girl kissed him gently on the cheek and walked home, leaving Jack II stunned and feeling uneasy. It was at this very moment that he decided he was going to marry he someday… little did he know that he would return in 12 years time to do exactly that.

"Jack, darling, supper is ready!" Cici called from the farmhouse.

The rest of the day played out regularly, Jack played peekaboo with Jill (or rather, she played with him) and Jack II became bored out of his mind.

Later that night, Jack II awoke to the sound of his parents talking from the kitchen, they sounded serious. He silently crept out of bed to spy on them and listen to their conversation.

"He can't keep the farm, Cici, he's sick," Indabox tried hard not to yell.

"He's not sick, Indie, he's confused," Cici tried to calm her husband down.

"He's too confused to run a farm on his own."

"This farm is all he has left! You're going to take that away from him?"

"The only thing he really cared about LEFT HIM when I was only four years old!" Indabox was now yelling, perhaps the old man could hear clearly what they were saying now from his bed… but there's no way of knowing if he could understand. "It's been 32 years, Cici, and he still thinks she's coming back."

"I…" Cici sat down and buried her head in her hands. "That hope is the only thing that keeps him going, Indie, you take away the farm you might as well just sign his death warrant."

"… I…" Indabox had nothing more to say. It was true.

_32 years,_ Jack II thought to himself. Was there something seriously wrong with his grandfather? Was he really that confused?

"We'll figure something out," Cici assured him. "Lets get some sleep, we're leaving early tomorrow and I don't want to risk waking the children.

"Juice! Juice, Juuuuice!" Jill squealed from her room.

"So much for that," Indabox sighed as their son ran quickly to his bed.

Jack II woke up, it was 12 year later once more and he was indeed still in mineral town with his sister. It had gone through his head many times since he'd returned, just who was that girl he had made friends with all those years ago? He couldn't remember what she looked like, or sounded like… but he knew she was still here.

And his grandfather, Jack the 1st… it was not often that he thought of him. He remembered his grandfather as a strange old man, but rarely did he remember him in this light. A poor lonely, and confused old man who was too out of hiss mind to realize he had lost the most precious thing he had, and all because she was too slow to figure out that the funny jokester she thought she had married was really just a fool who just couldn't understand.

Jack II got out of his bed and walked to his sister's room. He just stared down at the sleeping girl for a moment, thinking. Was she destined to repeat the life their grandfather lived? Would she suffer a broken heart without being able to understand others, all because no one ever tried to understand her?

It was then that Jack II realized he had tears in his eyes. He wanted to go back to the time when his grandfather was still young, wanted to see the crazy misadventures he had gotten himself into and the triumphs he had made in the end with the one he really loved. But his story never had a happy ending… and it seemed as though it were all for naught.

Jill was the same way. Jack II knew now, that no matter what the cost, he would look out for the girl, despite how awful it may seem at times, he would make sure that she never had to suffer the way Jack did. Sure, it would be hard, and there were countless humiliations ahead of him that he would have to deal with; but he'd made it this far.

With that, he headed to bed and put on a light.

_Summer the 30th_

_I had a dream tonight, a dream about the past. I remembered things I couldn't think of before, like the way grandma left grandpa and dad alone all those years ago. And for what? What did she gain from all of it? We'll never know. Wherever grandpa is now, I hope he's happier. I want to try my best to make sure the same thing doesn't happen to Jill… or myself._

**THE END**

(Okay, explanation time. This was not a regular comedic episode, obviously. I just thought that fans of the original HARVEST MOON TV! deserved to know what happened after episode 15. I understand some may be upset over the tragic life Jack was forced to lead, but realistically, it was bound to happen. I could have made this episode one, but I wanted people to get to know the new characters before I put this out there. I do promise, however that this drama crap will not become a regular thing with this series and more craziness is on the way. I just needed to write this episode both for myself, and for the hardcore fans of the first season. Lemme know what you thought!)


	6. Episode 6

**_Episode Six: _UP THE HILL**

"Come on, Jill," Jack II waved for his kid sister to follow him.

"Where we goooooooin'?" Jill asked in amusement.

"Up the hill," was all that Jack II could muster.

"What hill?"

"The one outside of town, let's go," he was getting impatient. It was then that Jill noticed the large pale he had been carrying. They began their journey at that moment, but she wasn't quite finished asking questions.

"What's the pale for?"

"To use," Jack II continued to ignore the girl.

Jill considered this for a moment before coming to the conclusion that this was not nearly enough information to satisfy her.

"Jaaaack! What are we doing!!!?"

"I told you, we're going up the hill!"

"Whhyyyyyy!?!" Jill whined.

"I'm not sayin' it," Jack II now looked angry. This only confused his sister more, and she was beginning to become angry herself.

"Saying what?"

"Would you just shut up and keep your mind on the task," Jack II yelled.

"NNNNNO!" Jill stopped walking and jumped up and down annoyingly.

"Jill, come on!"

"Not until you tell me why we're going up the hill with that bucket!" she folded her arms angrily.

"TO FETCH A BLEEPING PALE OF WATER!!!! ARE YOU HAPPY!?!" Jack II exploded with rage, the embarrassment no longer having the lasting effect that it normally would have.

A smile began to appear across here lips as she realized what had been bothering him, and in seconds she was laughing out loud.

"Let's just get this over with," Jack II grumpily marched onward and his little sister began to follow once again, laughing and dancing her strange dance.

"Hello, Jack!" up the path, the mayor could be seen coming into view. He wore a rather cheery look on his face as he saw the two coming towards him.

"...Hi. We're awfully busy, mr. mayor, so can we talk later?" Jack II tried to avoid conversation.

"Ah, yes, ofcourse. Always the busy bee, aren't we?" the mayor stopped in front of them. It was blatantly obvious that getting away from this talkative old fool was going to be a challenge. "Where are you off to today?"

"Jack and Jill went up the hill…" Jill began, laughing all the while. "To fetch a…" Jack II covered her mouth with his hand and made sure there was no way for her words to escape.

"We're on a business trip," Jack II smiled.

"Mmm, mmmm, mmmmmmmMMM!!!!!" Jill tried to move away from the hand that covered her mouth.

"Oh, righto! I understand the top secret endeavors of farming, believe me. Why, I used to see your grandfather doing all sorts of crazy things that no one could ever figure any purpose for. But, nevertheless, we all just sat back and let him continue with his hard work and eventually all of his work got done."

Jack II had always wondered how his grandpa had managed to get his work done all those years before Indabox had grown old enough to do his work for him… but had never quite understood how.

"Uh, yeah. Anyways, we should be going," Jack II walked away pulling his sister along with him. The mayor couldn't even get a word of goodbye out of his mouth before the two had ventured too far down the path.

Intermission

Jill repeated the stupid little poem over and over until the two finally reached the bottom of the hill. It was then that they spotted Karen and Elli, and Jack II couldn't resist the temptation to walk over and talk with them.

"Hello, pretty girls," Jack II smiled.

"Oh my gosh, I can't believe he'd say that in front of his girlfriend," Karen whispered in disgust into her friend's ear.

"What are you talking about?" Elli knew very well that Jack II and Jill were siblings, and was therefore confused by Karen's thinking.

"I've been meaning to tell you," Jack II was about to explain the whole deal to her when Jill suddenly got bored of the conversation and once again began to sing the silly poem.

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to,"

"Jill!" Jack II yelled at her.

"Mmm mm mm mm mm mm" Jill hummed the last past to herself.

Karen had taken these hums as meaning something entirely differently.

"You two really can't keep your hands off each other, can you?" Karen was obviously unimpressed with their behavior.

Jill looked down at her hands which were nowhere close to touching her brother, and she began to wave them in front of Karen to show her that she had been wrong. Once again, not knowing what was really going on, Karen thought this was just to taunt her.

"How rude!!" Karen quickly stormed away, leaving Elli feeling very uncomfortably with the two odd farmers.

"Um, I dunno what to say," Elli admitted.

"You do this every time!" Jack II yelled at Jill. Jill smiled stupidly, much in the same way that her grandfather used to.

"I'm really sorry about Karen, maybe I can explain the situation to her later if I remember," Elli offered. "But right now I have to go and calm her down, and we were about to go up by the water well and give this back to Rick," she held out a little golden crown that seemed to have belonged to a really bad costume. "Do you think you could do it for me?"

Jack II was mad. Really mad. Really, really mad.

Jill found it hilarious and grabbed it right out of Elli's hand, almost forgetting to hiss at the girl for her sorry excuse for a life.

"Uh, thanks…" Elli ran after Karen.

Jack II was so dumbfounded that he could barely move a muscle. Jill danced around him, placing the crown over his head and giggled when he brushed it off.

Wordlessly, they returned to their march up the hill. What was even worse now was knowing that they had to deal with Rick… that four-eyed jerk. When they got to the top, Rick was leaning against the well and smiling devilishly.

"Well, what do ya know, it's the two lovebirds. And how romantic, they're re-enacting a famous poem. How cute,"

Jack II glared at the boy, "Rick, I'm going to be honest with you,"

"You know, that poem was based on a king and queen of France a long time ago," Rick ignored him. "The fall refers to their deaths, they were beheaded. They must have been really bad at what they did, I notice a lot of similarities between you all, hahaha," Rick laughed.

"That's it! I've had it!" Jack II raged.

"Oh, poor baby's mad," Rick teased.

"I've had enough of your crap, Rick! You've manipulated Karen and the other girls into thinking that I'm dating my little sister! You made fun of me to my face every time we meet but I've never done anything to deserve it!"

"Boo hoo!" Rick continued to laugh. Rising from the ground he set his eyes upon little Jill, "I believe that crown belongs to me little missy,"

"Mine!" Jill hugged it tightly.

"You better teach your sister her place in the world before I do," Rick threatened Jack II.

"Give it to him, Jill," Jack II commanded. Jill began to cry as she handed over the stupid little crown.

"Smart choice," Rick said arrogantly. Jill couldn't stand any more of this, without warning, her jaws latched on to Rick's hand and he screamed out in pain.

"Jack, get this little idiot off of me!"

Jack II just stood and watched as the scene unfolded before his eyes.

"What are you, deaf? DO SOMETHING!" Rick yelled.

Feeling the need to respond, Jack II swiftly punched rick hard in the face sending him falling back wards… tripping over and falling into the well. Jill was very happy with the end result, for she had grabbed her precious crown from Rick before he had fallen. Jack II picked up his pale and threw it in the well.

"Get us some water while you're down there, will you?"

"You'll pay for this!" Rick continued spitting water out from his mouth.

Jack II turned to Jill with a big smile on his face, "So why'd you want that dumb crown so badly anyways?"

"I wanted to finish the poem," Jill thrust the crown into Jack II's hands and pushed him hard, sending him tumbling down to the ground. Being the idiot she was, she then launched herself after him, rolling ever so painfully in pursuit.

Intermission

The crown was indeed broken by now, and Jack II had a walloping headache. When Jill finally stopped rolling, he got up walked over, raising his fist as he was about to punch the little brat.

"Jack! Don't you dare!" it was Karen and Popuri.

Jack II turned to them, stunned and unable to think of anything to say in defense.

"And to think, we finally find out from Elli that we'd been mistaken about the two of you being a couple, only to find out the next minute that you like to beat up girls for the fun of it!" Popuri yelled.

"Save me, save me!" Jill got up quickly and ran to Karen for protection.

"You should be ashamed of yourself!" Karen took Jill by the hand and the three girls were on their way home.

"I can't believe he does that to you, you poor girl," Karen said.

"I'll tell you, that boy is in deep trouble," Popuri ranted.

"No, Rick's in the deep trouble," Jill corrected. The two girls looked at her curiously.

"What kind of trouble is Rick in?" Karen asked.

"Water," Jill smiled.

"Water… that's silly, you wouldn't catch Rick anywhere near water. He can't swim," Popuri smirked.

"Yeah, so what are you talking about, little girl?" Karen asked again.

"Oh," Jill thought about it for a second. "Nevermind," she smiled, and the three continued on their way.

_Fall the 4th, first year._

_I finally got back at that guy I hate today, but perhaps I went a little too far. After Karen and Popuri left with Jill (thank god I won't hafta deal with her for a few days), I went back up the hill to help him out because I felt bad. It was strange though, it looked like he already escaped. That's one capable guy, I must admit. He was nowhere to be seen._

_Anyways, it all worked out to my advantage. After Karen and Popuri see how annoying Jill is, they'll probably beat her up themselves and then all will be perfect in mineral town for this little farmer! Bedtime._

**THE END**

(So I haven't decided if Rick died or not, kinda left it open for debate for you guys. I don't think he should be, not yet at least, but we'll see. The next episode will mark the return of a very important character in the series, stay tuned!)


	7. Episode 7

**_EPISODE SEVEN: _HARVEST GODDESS**

Jill was angry. Jack II refused to get out of his bed and now she had to find some way to amuse herself on her own, which was something she usually did not care to do. It was at this point in time when she spotted a young man passing through the farm, and upon closer inspection, realized that it was the blacksmith's apprentice, Gray. Leaping to her feet in excitement over the handsome young man, Jill began the march over to him.

It was only a few seconds before Gray noticed the girl walking over towards him, and thinking that she was pretty, he turned to reciprocate her greeting.

Jill leaped on the young boy fiercely, and they both tumbled to the ground. This was no greeting, thought the poor boy. This was an attack, and she was not letting him move a muscle.

"Uh… what are you doing?"

Jill stared dumbly at Gray before answering, "INTRUDER!"

At this time Jack II had just opened the door and noticed the boy being attacked by his younger sister. He watched them for a moment and they stared back at him, then he went on his way, ignoring the situation as he did all the crazy things Jill did in her own spare time. As long as it was not himself she was bothering, Jack II was happy.

"J…Jack? Buddy, little help?!" Gray called out as he stared into the wicked eyes of the lunatic before him.

"Now you're my prisoner!" Jill smiled evilly. "And you have to do everything I say!"

"I…I…I have to get back to the workshop or I'll…"

WHACK!

Meanwhile, Jack II was on his way to the goddess pond to meet Ann for lunch. The two had become pretty good friends over the last few weeks, and now that the village girls knew what was REALLY going on between him and Jill, they had finally forgiven and forgot. Jack II, unfortunately, was not interest in Ann in such a way as she would have liked, but that was no reason to brush her aside and not be friends with her.

"Hi, Jack!" she called from atop the little hill.

"How're you today?" he returned the greeting.

"Well, you're late as usual, so I couldn't help myself with all this food here," Ann looked a little frustrated.

"Oh, uhh…" Jack II smiled out of embarrassment.

"It's okay, you weren't THAT late. I'll catch ya later though, have some stuff to do," she was on her way before Jack II could protest or even apologize.

Being the spoiled brat that he can sometimes be, Jack II looked around at the mess of a picnic before him, wondering what should be done with the garbage, and quickly decided that the goddess pond would be the perfect place to hide it all. In less than 2 minutes, the site was clean and he could be on his way back to the farm.

"Not so fast!" came a woman's voice from behind him.

It had scared the wits out of Jack II just hearing the voice, but when he turned around to see the most gorgeous half naked woman he had ever seen in his life…

"Thank you, Jesus! Thank you!"

Intermission

"I should have known it would be you! Hey," the woman observed him more thoroughly. "Ha…have you acquired the gift of eternal life afterall?"

Jack II was stunned at this question, "Have I what?"

"It…it is you, isn't it, Jack?" she asked in confusion.

"Uh… yeah, how in heck do you know who I am?"

"You don't rememb… oh, I see what's going on here," she smiled to herself. "Now this makes sense, you're the spitting image of Jack. That old fool," she cursed him.

"Look, whatever he did, I had nothing to do with it!" he tried to defend himself.

"Hahaha, look kid, I don't blame you for being his descendant. Although I am a little confused as to how you didn't inherit his shall we say… stupidity?" the gorgeous woman winked and Jack II almost fainted.

"I… you're…"

"The harvest goddess,"

"Beautiful!" he blurted. "I mean… uh, yes… that too,"

The harvest goddess laughed again, "You're cute kid, but unfortunately you're just a little young for me. Plus, I wouldn't want to be with someone who may turn my godly offspring into… your grandfather, genetics are against ya, hun,"

Jack II was maddened by this. _Dead for almost a year and he's still causing trouble!_

"This just won't do, garbage in my pond,"

"Oh, uh, sorry. I'll clean it for you, I promise," Jack II apologized.

"So you inherited the farm from him, hmm? Tell me, young man, what is it that you want more than anything in the world?" the harvest goddess seductively set herself to a sitting position in the water.

_You, _he almost blurted out again. Instead, he was at a loss for words.

"Is there a certain girl in the village you would like to fall in love with you? Not to assume, but, I can make it happen, you know," she smiled devilishly.

"Well… there is one thing…"

"Please, let me GO!" Gray was tied to a tree in the forest as Jill circled him, laughing all the way. Ruff 2 lay at the other side of the tree, uninterested in the fate of this poor boy. The three were deep into the forest where no one would ever find them.

"Hahaha! You're mine forever!" Jill cried in excitement as she danced her odd dance, scaring Gray all the more.

POOF!

"H…hey… what was that?" Gray suddenly looked around for the source of the flash of light.

Jill looked as though she had been struck by lightning when she looked up at him, "Oh my gosh! What in heavens has happened to you, you poor unfortunate gentleman?"

Gray was stunned beyond comprehension, for it was, indeed, Jill who had just uttered these humanly words.

"We must hurry and get you down from there! Thank heavens I was passing by when I was or else you may have been stuck here day and night until you impending doom!" Jill began to untie the ropes. "What dreadful creature could have done this to you?"

"Uh… bandits?" Gray was still totally confused.

"Let us get out of here and go back to my farm. I shall make you a cup of warm cocoa," Jill helped the boy off the tree and they began the walk back arm in arm.

Intermission

"So just like that? It's done?" Jack II stood before the harvest goddess, unable to accept what she had just told him.

"Yes, it is done," she confirmed. "But ofcourse, there is something you must do for me in return,"

"Uh, okay. What?"

"Well, I do enjoy games. I shall give you a task and if you complete it by nightfall, your dear sister will remain in her current state of sanity for the rest of your lives. If you should fail… you will be forced to sacrifice one of the town villagers to my portal of the netherworld forever."

"…so what is it you want me to do?"

"You must get a girl of your choosing to kiss you by midnight tonight," the goddess smiled.

"Can it be you?" Jack II asked hopefully.

"Yes," Jack II's face lit up for a moment. "If you want to ensure that you lose, that is," the goddess glared at him.

"Hehe…" Jack II felt two inches tall.

WAIT A MINUTE! Jack II WAS two inches tall!

"What the hell!?" he yelled up at her.

"Hahahaha! Oh, I do love a good wager," the goddess laughed to herself.

"How in the world am I supposed to…"

"You'll figure it out, bye, sweetie!" the goddess mocked him as she returned into the depths of the pond.

"So that's why grandpa always prayed with his middle finger…"

Jill and Gray had a delightful afternoon, and it was not until 6PM that Jack II would find his way back to the farm, having to cover so much more ground now that he was so tiny.

"Jill, you're a very special girl," Gray admitted to her. She smiled warmly and fed him some soup.

"Jill!" Jack II's quiet voice yelled up from the ground.

"Oh, dear! Jack, is that you, older brother?" Jill was astounded at the amazing feet her brother had… lost.

"Jill, I… remember that tale of the frog prince? If you kissed him he would turn into a prince? This is kind of like that, but I won't exactly turn out to be a prince… just big. It's not as gross 'cause I'm no frog, but it's a little more weird 'cause yer my sister," he shuddered in disgust at his won words.

Now, normal Jill would have loved this game, and gone for it instantly, but this new Jill was not so easily impressed.

"I should have you know, dear brother, that those silly games may have worked on me when I was a child and you held up that dead frog to my face and told me the same story, but not this time. I'm afraid that this may be your well deserved punishment for a life of evil deeds," Jill reasoned.

"Uh, shouldn't you help him?" Gray suggested.

"I shall not engage in such unruly behavior, fine sir."

"I'm sorry, but I can't agree with you on this one," Gray admitted.

"Yeah! Gray's right," Jack II shouted up.

"If you won't do it, then I will," Gray began to bend down.

"Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!" Gray's wrong, Gray's wrong!" Jack II ran as fast as he could away from the friendly boy.

"C'mon, Jack! It's only one kiss and it will be over!" Gray chased after the little bugger.

"It hasta be a girl's kiss! A GIRL!!" Jack II leaped over Ruff 2's doggy toys and cereal that had fallen to the ground during Jill's ritual eating habits.

"How can you know for sure unless you try it?!" Gray continued to swipe for him.

_Betcha that isn't the first time he's used that line on a guy, _Jack II thought angrily.

"Oh, my! Such excitement tires me out, I think I'll go to bed early," Jill retired.

This stunned Jack II so badly that he stopped running and stared in bewilderment as she left, for she had never as long as he'd known her EVER gone to bed early without a fuss.

"Gotcha!" Gray grabbed Jack II quickly and kissed him on his tiny head.

"Ahhhhh!!!!!!!! YUCK! I'm infected, I… I feel so violated!" Jack II was set back on the floor and wiped at his entire face with his sleeve.

"Hmm, you're right, it does have to be a girl," Gray concluded.

"Gray, when this is all over… I WILL kill you," Jack II threatened in disgust.

"Aw, you're so cute when you're mad. Maybe you should stay this small forever, I could keep you like a pet!" Gray smiled.

"Shut up! I need you to help me get into town so I can get a girl to kiss me!" Jack II pleaded. Gray complied, feeling an obligation to help this poor fellow in times of need.

In minutes, the two arrived in town and walked around trying to find a girl to break the harvest goddess'spell.

"So who do you want to kiss you?" Gray was interested to know.

"Oh, yeah, so now it matters to you?!" Jack II looked up angrily at the boy from his shirt pocket.

"I was just trying to help!" Gray defended.

"Hey, what about Manna!?" Jack II said excitedly as they passed the winery.

"Isn't she a bit old for you? And MARRIED!?" Gray cocked an eyebrow.

"What do you care? I happened to like older women," Jack II was going to be very adamant about this, he could tell.

"There's just something queer about it, that's all,"

Jack II gave the evilest look his little face could give at this remark.

"Oh, nevermind…heh," Gray flushed awkwardly.

"Hello, boys," the cute woman named Manna greeted them as they walked in the door to the winery.

"Hi, we have a bit of a problem," Gray explained. Over the course of the next five minutes, the whole story was told in full, and even Gray was hearing this for the first time. Neither of them would have believed it had they not witnessed Jack II in his current state. Manna complied and gave Jack II a big kiss that he liked much more than he should have. Growing to the size of a regular human being, Jack II thanked the kind woman with another kiss… one that was very inappropriate.

"What the hell!!!!" Duke was home, incidentally.

"Oh, crap!" Jack II threw Gray into the line of fire, which held as a diversion long enough for the boy to escape out the back door.

Intermission

"You cheated!" the harvest goddess accused.

"How?" Jack II yelled angrily.

"You told her what happened, and she was not a girl, but a woman! The whole point of this was so that you would possibly end up with the girl of your dreams, Jack!" the goddess explained.

"Oh… you mean you were trying to help me?"

"I guess some traits of your grandfather DO run in your veins, afterall. Alright, here's what I'll do: you don't have to sacrifice one of your friends to my domain, but Jill will forever remain an idiot."

"No fair!" Jack II complained. "She was actually pleasant! She's at home sleeping right now!"

The harvest goddess snapped her fingers, "Not anymore she isn't,"

"Aw, c'mon! Can't you at least make her normal SOME of the time?"

"I'm afraid you'll already have to deal with that for every woman you meet, sweetheart. It's called PMS," the goddess smiled mockingly.

"Great," he complained.

"Hey, look on the bright side, kiddo,"

"There's a bright side?" Jack II lit up once more.

"Um… no. Good luck, sweetie," she disappeared into the pond again and Jack II was left by himself.

Jack II would be praying with his middle finger tonight too.

_Fall the 29th, first year._

_Here I thought there may be a chance that Jill would still be sleeping when I got home… I was sorely disappointed. _

_Dae 2sumthing, o! 9! Munth 3, Yeer 1. Hundrid _

_I hertd a hansum man 2dae. Hee iz mi boeefrend nao. Wer did hee go tho?_

**THE END**

(Phew, had to hurry to finish this one off at 5 pages. Hopefully this will put things back into motion though, not a lot of replies on the last one…or any for that matter. Still need some opinions on whether Rick lives or dies though! Later!)


	8. Episode 8

**_EPISODE EIGHT: _RISE OF FARMER GIRL!**

For crying out loud, not another… oh, hello, and welcome to (clears throat), yet ANOTHER bloody HMTV episode… apparently marking the return of a ridiculously overplayed theme… I am your narrator, as always, who will remain nameless, again, as ALWAYS! No bloody respect here for the storyteller, I tell you! I'm only the little voice in your heads that… fine. I'll just get on with it.

It was a bright sunshiny day in Mineral Town, and all of the residents came out to play in the freshly lain snow. Jack II was sleeping, ofcourse, and had no idea that the snow had finally begun to fall. If he had been awake to see the white covered ground, he may have smiled to himself and reflected upon what a long year it had been thus far, and be amazed that he was still living in the little community.

In his time here, he had made very little money, and had not upgraded the farm at all. Not to mention the fact that he still hadn't managed to woo any of the girls in town, which would speak well for his social standings if he had. The whole year's failures could be blamed on his little sister, Jill, but that did not change anything. Jack II was poor, lonely, and had to live with going to bed with a headache every night that Jill was living with him.

Little did he know, today would be quite a different day. He awoke to a knock on the door, and assuming it was Jill, he ignored it. The knock came again and suddenly Jack II's eyes shot open upon the realization that Jill was never one to knock on the door unless it was to cause the door harm in some way.

"Hi, Jack!" it was Karen.

Groggily, Jack II rubbed hiss eyes and looked down to find that he was not wearing any pajamas, "Oh, no!" he tried to cover himself with his scraggly arms.

Karen laughed, "hmmhmm, caught you at a bad time, did I?"

"I…ugh…"

"It's alright, I've seen boys in their underwear before. Although you wouldn't want the mayor finding you sleeping in so late, you lazy farmer," she giggled again.

It was at this point that a strong cold breeze blew through the front door and froze Jack II into place. "C…c…could you come back s…s…s…some other time?" he requested.

"Well, yes, I could. But you see, I was ever so curious as to what you had to do this evening," Karen blushed a little.

Jack II was ecstatic, was she going to ask HIM on a date? "I uh, nothing...why?"

"Well, Kai is back in town, so Popuri is going nuts over him as she always does. And I figured since my main competition (presumably) is gone that this would be the right time to ask you on a date," Karen explained, her face getting redder all the time.

"Oh… yeah! I'm there!" Jack II surprised himself by not being able to contain his excitement.

"Really? Great! Come pick me up at 7ish?"

"Perfect, I'll be there," Jack II smiled, forgetting about the cold wind that was freezing his house and the fact that he was still very nearing complete nakedness.

"Okay, and Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"You might wanna wear something warmer, it's cold out today," she winked and left more confidently than she had been when she first arrived. Jack II would have been humiliated if he weren't so excited.

"I wanna come toooooo!" Jill squealed from beneath her bed where she had been hiding all the while.

Intermission

"You can't come!" Jack II yelled.

"I'm coming!" Jill screamed back.

This continued for some time.

"Jill! Go home!" they were now outside Karen's door.

"No!"

Jack II had a very angry look upon his face. There was probably nothing he could do about this situation, Karen was expecting him to be ready for the date now.

"Well now, looks like you have a little problem," a sneaky voice sounded from the shadows. Coming into view, they could now identify this evil figure as none other than… Rick!

"Rick! You're alive! But…how?"

"Hahaha, when you left me in that well, there was seemingly no way of escape…" Rick began the tale.

"I know, so how'd you get out?" Jack II was amazed.

"I… nevermind! I shan't explain my secrets to you! You tried to have me killed, and what's worse, you're going on a date with my one and only true love!"

"The truth finally comes out," Jack II wasn't surprised by this revelation.

"Watch your back tonight, Jack, I'm going to DESTROY YOU! Ahahahahahahah!!" Rick disappeared at once into the shadows where he'd come from.

"Lets kill him," Jill suggested plainly.

It was then that Jack II got an idea, "Jill, do you think you can keep Rick preoccupied while your big brother does some important business?"

Jill's eyes lit up, Jack II had never asked her to do anything for him, and now she was finally going to get her chance to help him.

"No!" she kicked him hard in the kneecap.

"OW! (obscenity)" Jack II fell to the ground.

"Jack, is that you?" Karen opened the door to find her escort rolling around in the snow.

"Nope, its me!" Jill corrected her.

"Hi…" Jack II smiled awkwardly as he looked at her upside down.

"Um, what's she doing here?" Karen said under her breath.

"Sorry, I couldn't get her to leave," Jack II was extremely ashamed.

"Uh, I see. Well, I guess we could postpone the date and just hang out a little. I've been so lonely since Rick disappeared last month. It's so strange," Karen thought.

"I know where he is!" Jill was gone before Karen could grasp what was just said.

"D..does she usually have a leash or something?"

"That's a great idea, actually," Jack II smiled as Karen helped him up to his feet.

"So, what would you like to do?" Karen asked.

There was no question in Jack II's mind what he wanted to do, but as always, we're going to keep it PG rated for the kiddies.

"Let's take a walk up to the summit," he suggested. And that is what they did.

Meanwhile, Jill began tracking Rick with superhuman (or not) perception powers. It was not going so well.

"Looking for someone?" Rick reappeared from his shadows to laugh at Jill.

"(Gasp) Yer a psycho!" Jill whispered.

"Haha, no, I think you mean 'psychic', you're the psycho," Rick taunted.

Jill was confused by this statement, and kicked at him, but alas, the kick was blocked and returned to her very harshly. Jill began to cry.

"Aha! Not so tough now, are we, girly?" Rick mocked as he walked away, off to sabotage Jack II's date with Karen.

Jill had never been kicked before. It was time to get even with Rick… even though, she was technically ahead, with the whole almost drowning him thing… but that is besides the matter. Jill ran home as fast as she could and got quick to work on a costume, for she would now take the place of the legendary hero known as "Farmer Boy"… except, you know, girl power and stuff.

"Oh, Jack, it's the perfect night," Karen gushed as they sat with each other at the summit.

"Yeah, I'm really glad we did this," Jack II agreed. In truth, the little wuss was freezing his butt off, but he didn't want to let on.

Rick arrived at the summit and hid behind a big rock, planning his move that would ruin the evening.

"Karen! Help!" Rick ran out from the rock.

Turning to see her exasperated and beaten up looking friend, she gasped, "Oh my gosh, Rick! What happened to you!?"

"Uh, Oh…" Jack II's eyes went wide.

"He tied me up and threw me in the deepest floors of the mining cave," Rick pointed his finger at Jack II. "It was so dark and he'd only come down to feed me every other day!"

Karen was shocked and appalled, "You did WHAT to him?!?"

"I did not! It was a well!" Jack II accidentally blurted.

"Huh? Jack, I can't believe you would do anything so awful to someone, I don't care what it was, there was no reason for any of it!" Karen yelled.

"But Karen, I…"

"Farmer girl, to the rescue!" a ridiculously dressed girl came out of nowhere, charging at Rick.

"Blast, I should have finished her off while I had the chance!" Rick hissed to himself.

Farmer girl hit him with great impact, and the two went flying off the summit.

"Oh, no!" Karen cried. "Jack, I can't believe you would get your sister to do such an awful thing, now they're both gone!" she ran to the edge of the summit.

_I can't see how that's such a bad thing on either level, _Jack II's mind tried to make light of the situation.

"Aha!" Rick laughed, grabbing hold of Karen's leg and pulling her over the edge of the summit to her doom.

"Karen!" Jack II lunged into the air, but alas, he was too late.

Now he could see over the edge, where Rick held on very tightly to the ledge and Jill dangled from his foot. Karen herself, had somehow managed to grab on to Jill's foot before falling, adding even more pressure to Rick's already weakened arms and narrowing their chances of surviving much longer.

"If I can't have her, nobody can!" Rick looked like a madman, staring into Jack II's eyes with rage and excite.

"Hold on!" Jack II hollered to Karen.

Jill realized that Karen was hanging on to her leg, and it was making it quite difficult for her to keep hold of Rick. In an effort to eliminate this minor hindrance, she began to try and shake Karen off.

"Help!" Karen screamed.

"Jill! Stop it!" Jack II yelled.

"I'm Farmer girl!" … okay, this is all too familiar.

"It is time to accept my doom," Rick closed his eyes and let go of the ledge. Jack II grabbed his arm as fast as he could, but immediately, he realized that he could not carry 3 people for much longer.

"Karen, hurry and climb up!" Jack II could barely get the words out.

"Ahhh! I can't!" Karen cried as Jill continued to try and shake her off.

"You're heavy, go away," she complained.

"You can't hold on for much longer, Jack!" Rick laughed. It was then that Jack II felt a pair of strong arms help him pull the three helpless citizens to safety.

"Pull man, pull!" the unfamiliar face urged Jack II on.

Rick was pulled all the way up and Jill grabbed the ledge in his place as he immediately began to swing his fists at his rescuers.

"This guy's crazy!" the stranger yelled.

"Rick, what are you doing?" it was Popuri, what was she doing here?

"P..Popuri?" Rick looked at his sister in astonishment, snapping back to reality and taking a step back.

Farmer girl smiled at this and she took hold of one of Rick's ankles, pulling him backward and sending the crazed fellow over the edge of the summit to his death below.

"Oh, no!" Popuri screamed.

Jack II and the strange young lad ignored her as they quickly pulled the other two girls to safety.

"She tried to kill me!" Jill accused Karen.

"I…I was only…"

"Relax, Karen," Jack II assured her.

Popuri cried into the chest of the stranger who had helped pull them to safety, the boy was dark skinned and wore a purple bandana. "What in the hell happened here?" he demanded.

"Rick, he went crazy!" Karen could hardly believe the words she spoke. He had thrown her over the cliff, hoping she would die.

"It's all my fault," Popuri cried. "If only I hadn't surprised him, we wouldn't have tripped backwards,"

Farmer girl was furious at this remark, why should this stupid pink haired girl take all the credit when it was clearly her own handiwork that had killed Rick the dick.

"My fault! MINE!" everyone ignored the girl in the silly costume.

"Good thing you were there to help," Jack II offered the nameless boy his hand.

"You too, name's Kai," the two shook hands in spite of the situation.

Popuri cried like there was no tomorrow while the other three discussed the events that had just transpired. Farmer girl, however, was not interested in events passed and looked over her shoulder to make sure Rick was good and dead at the bottom of the summit. To her amazement, the figure at the bottom could be seen slowly crawling away, not quite dead yet.

Perhaps things could still be made right again, if only they could get down and get poor Rick to the hospital and make sure that he and Jack II were no longer enemies. Jill turned her head to the others to warn them.

"Hey, guess what!"

"Not now, Jill, we're having grown up talk," Jack II ignored her.

"It's Farmer girl!" she yelled.

"Jack, don't be so mean," Karen said. "What is it, sweetie?"

Jill couldn't seem to remember, Jack II had gotten her all pissed off. "Nevermind."

The group began to walk back to the town to tell the terrible news to Popuri's mother, the poor woman would be heartbroken. Jill was left behind at the summit because she knew there was something she was supposed to remember…

"Oh yeah!" she finally did, and looked back over the edge to see the mangled form of Rick, still hopelessly crawling along the rocks.

"I see you!" Jill yelled down in excitement.

Rick looked up and could barely see the form of Jill at the top of the summit, perhaps help was on its way for him. He was terribly sorry for the things he had done tonight, and would swear to never try anything of the sort ever again.

Jill smiled then, and taking off her shoe, she threw it at him, hitting him square in the face.

"Bullseye!!!!!" Jill was amazed at her aim from so far away. What an exciting day!

_Dae 10, Munth 4, Yeer 1._

_Wer did jak go? I cam hom and he iznt her! I think imm going 2 go 2 karins haoose and find him cuz thar lat cuming bak. _

_Farmr grl disstroyd the eevl gi with the glassis! Nao to kill that evil doktrs assississtint!_

**THE END**

(Yes, Rick IS dead this time. I always hated that guy, and I only brought him back for this one so I could make his death more final. Good riddance! And Jack II and Karen are now together, so the series has some actual direction again!)


	9. Episode 9

**_EPISODE NINE: _TRAGEDY STRIKES**

It was the first day of the new year, and the town of Mineral had not quite recovered from the death of one of their youngsters, Rick. Even worse now, his mother, Lillia, had fallen very ill over the whole ordeal. Popuri was also in ill spirits, and had decided once and for all that she would leave the village and marry her new boyfriend, Kai, in the very near future.

Jack II was happy as a clam. Things between him and Karen were finally starting to become great, and Jill was spending most of her time playing in the snow. Today, however, the snow had disappeared and a new chapter in their lives was about to begin.

Sadly, the able villagers made their way to the peak of Mother's Hill to try and celebrate the coming of the new year and promote the hope that they were so lacking in such dire times.

"Dear citizens," the mayor began to speak. "Today, we are faced with the sad task of moving on from some very sad events that we have had to endure recently. I understand that this year marks many coming changes for all of us, and we are soon to lose some more young ones. Popuri, Kai, we wish you both the best wherever it is that you will be going, and we will take good care of your poor sick mother in the meantime. Jack has been doing a wonderful job with the farm, and we should all be expecting that it will be upgraded very soon,"

Jack II gulped at this remark, unable to think of anything to say as everyone stared at him curiously.

"It is time to forget our sorrows and look to the future, for this will be the best year in the history of Mineral town, mark my words!"

The villagers clapped, unable to cheer as they had in other years for they were all too sad at this time.

"Jack, where is your sister?" Karen whispered.

"Ya know, I really don't know! And that can only mean she's getting into trouble," Jack II now looked angry and suspicious.

"Meeting adjourned," the mayor walked down to meet with his family and talk with concerned citizens.

"Perhaps we should go look for her, she seemed excited when she heard about the new years festival… it is odd that she would not show up at all," Karen grabbed Jack II's hand and pulled him through the crowd.

Just then, the two noticed one of the younger children laughing amongst the others kids like a madman, and decided to go see what was so funny.

"What are you so happy about?" Karen asked.

"Haha," Stu continued to laugh. "I told Jill that there's a weed outside of town that would cure Lillia, and she went to go find it!"

"Is there one?" Jack II asked stupidly.

"Hahaha, of course not! I can't believe how dumb yer family can be!" Stu laughed harshy.

"Oh, no, Jack! She could be out there for days… knowing her," Karen was a little too concerned, because Jack II had no intention of finding her.

Karen pulled him along once again, but on their way out Jack II slipped Stu a couple of gold coins for a job well done.

Intermission

Jill bounced along her merry little way, never even stopping to think that she may be getting lost in the wilderness beyond Mineral Town. Forgotten was her mission to save Lillia with the magical herb, instead she would jump and sing and dance all day until she got tired. This usually took a very long time.

"Hello, squirrel," Jill greeted a small and furry animal. The creature looked up at her in surprise, frozen in place and cautious of the psychotic girl before him. "Hmm, not talking, eh? I don't think we should be friends at all," Jill rationalized in a threatening sort of manor. The squirrel ran off faster than Jill would have been able to chase.

"Hello, mr. rabbit," Jill met with another furry creature down the path. "Yer kinda funny lookin'," Jill mused. It was not a rabbit at all, it was a groundhog.

"I thought you were supposed to have long ears, you're deformed," the girl was disgusted with this rabbit's unique structure.

"Hello, mr. ugly chipmunk," Jill continued.

"I'm a frog, you moron!" the frog piped angrily.

"You're a chipmunk!" Jill argued, not even questioning the fact that she was now talking to an animal.

"Are chipmunks green? Are they hairless and slimy? I didn't think so!" the frog glared at her with a 'know-it-all' posture.

"Frogs don't talk!" Jill leaned forward to stomp on the little bigmouth.

"Ah!" the frog just barely hopped out of the way in time to avoid a messy death.

"Hahaha, I'm gonna get you!" Jill was extremely amused by this game.

"Stop it! You already killed me once!"

"If I killed you already…" Jill reasoned, "I would already be bored."

"Grr! You just won't rest, will you?!" the frog jumped out of the way once more.

"Not until I catch you and yer squished beneath my shoe!"

"Help!" the creature cried.

"Wait a minute…" Jill stopped in her tracks. "Frogs DON'T talk… then… why are you…" she thought hard, "green?"

The frog was considerably unamused by this display of unintelligible thought, "You mean why am I talking?"

"No, why are YOU talking?"

"That's what I said,"

Jill tried yet again to stomp him to death.

"Okay! OKAY! You win!" The frog announced. "God, what a pain in the ass,"

"(Gasp) you said ass!"

"Butt, rump, bottom,"

"Who's butt rump bottom?"

"Mine!"

"Who is mine?"

"Shut up!" the frog yelled. "You are a pain in MY ass!"

"And who are you?" Jill was still very confused.

"Rick! The guy you killed!" the frog (Rick) bounced u and down angrily.

Jill stood staring at him silently for a moment before answering, "No, you're definitely a frog. That man had four eyes, and I'm pretty sure he was a little taller."

"I died and came back as this disgusting creature, you maniac! The harvest goddess said I was 'unfit' to go to heaven until I have some sort of revelation or something."

"…You're boring, can I squash you?" Jill asked stupidly.

"No!"

"Please? Pretty please?"

"I don't care how beautiful your pleas to crush me are, I will not stand for it!"

"You won't be standing when you're stuck to my shoe," Jill added hopefully.

"Jill, you CANNOT CRUSH ME!"

"I could, I could, I sooo could!" Jill complained. "Watch I'll even show you!"

"No! I believe you, but please, don't!" Rick hopped backward a couple times.

"Why are you here?"

"I have come to stop you from finding a cure for my mother. At least if she dies, I won't be alone anymore," Rick said sadly.

Jill laughed at this cruelly, "People die and go to heaven,"

"I didn't!" Rick yelled. "…I didn't…" he bent his form low and began to think about his situation again. "She'd be allowed in to heaven, what am I going to do?"

"I know what you can do!" Jill said excitedly.

"I'm not going to be crushed by you," he reminded her.

"Hmm…. 'kay."

"But maybe, if I help you find a cure for her, the goddess will see my good deed and allow me to go to heaven!" Rick was happy again as he made this assumption.

"Deedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedee,"

"Shut up!" Rick yelled at her. "I'm trying to concentrate! An idiot like you wouldn't be able to find the magic herb we're looking for, so I have to be the brains of the operation."

"We're going in to surgery? If yer gonna be the brain, can I be the doctor?"

"No, you can carry me around in your weak little hands like a good girl," Rick instructed.

"Right, we need to find the hospital first."

Intermission

"Where could she be?" Karen was getting tired of walking.

"I don't know, maybe this is for the best?" Jack II suggested.

"Jack! She's your sister!"

"Only by blood, and can be fixed with a little transfusion,"

The two ventured further into the wilderness in pursuit of Jill as the sun began to sink lower in the sky above.

"I was thinking, what if there really is an herb that can cure Lillia somewhere out here?" Karen asked.

"How would we know, even if we saw it there's no telling what plant does what," Jack II explained.

"That's true, I guess it was just wishful thinking. Maybe if we really believe it though, it'll come true?"

Jack II liked this idea. Stepping closer to her and holding her gently by the waist, he whispered, "Karen?"

"Yes, Jack?"

"Jill's dead, lets go home."

"How am I supposed to tell which of these damned herbs does what?" Rick raged in the middle of Jill's open palm.

"Maybe we should eat them." Jill suggested patiently.

"Neither of us are sick, how will we know if it's working or not?" Rick pointed out her stupidity.

"I'm not sick, but you don't look so good," Jill said in all truthfulness.

"For the last time, I was turned into a frog!" Rick could not take much more of this.

"I wanna be turned into a ladybug!" Jill cheered as she threw Rick up in the air, letting him fall harshly to the ground on his feet.

"I'd eat you,"

"Noooo! I'll stomp on you!" Jill warned.

Rick shut up for the time being and examined the herbs.

"Let's take a sample of each, maybe the doctor will know which one is the magical healing herb," Rick then ordered Jill to take some of each herb and stuff it all in her pocket. She began to pick them all just as Jack II and Jill came waltzing up the path.

"Jill, we were worried sick!" Karen ran to the girl and hugged her tightly. "What on earth are you doing?"

"Eating yucky plants," Jill stuffed her face full of the samples she had just taken.

"Okay, now can we go home?" Jack II pouted.

"Ah, my arch nemesis has returned!" Rick hissed from the ground.

"What was that?" Jack II looked around.

Squish

"I win!" Jill celebrated as she looked at the dead frog on her shoe.

"I could have sworn I just heard…" Karen stopped herself.

"It was just a frog, he's gone now. I protected you," Jill smiled in triumph.

"Oh, you are just the most darling thing," Karen hugged her again. "I hate those wretched creatures, loud and ugly."

"Kinda like Rick was," Jack II laughed.

Karen shot him an evil look, "Might I remind you, I'm still grieving over that whole mess, thank you!"

"Too soon? Sorry," Jack II was embarrassed and ashamed.

_My big brother's really smart, _Jill thought to herself, knowing that he was indeed 100 correct on that point. Karen must have been just jealous of his fast array of knowledge.

Intermission

"Killed twice by the same little girl? You are an embarrassment, Rick!" The harvest goddess laughed.

"Aw, c'mon! I tried to save my mom, I really did!" the spirit of Rick complained in the netherworld.

"Tch, not really a selfless act. I knew about your plans to stop Jill from saving her!"

"I had… a change of heart. A revelation!" Rick thought he was so sly.

"Oh, did you?" the harvest goddess was not believing this for a second. "I'm pretty sure that was just so you could get in to heaven. Rick, you weren't even worthy of a frog's life, you only lasted 2 days in that body. I'll give you another chance, but this time I'm going to have to reincarnate you as something even more grotesque,"

"…Dare I ask?"

Jack II woke up with a stir, he had only been asleep for an hour.

"Jill?"

"What?"

"What are you doing up so late? Go to bed!"

"I can't sleep," Jill replied.

"Why not?"

"You pile of dirty underwear won't stop talking."

_Spring the 1st, Year 2._

_Today, Karen and I spent the whole day searching for Jill in the forests outside of town. What a pain!_

_Dae 1, Munth1, Yeer 2._

_2dae I met a bunee with no eers, a sqerl that duznt tok enuf and a chipmok that toks 2 much. I kild him. Tomoro imm guna hav an argument with the londry. _

**THE END**

(The next episode will be very special. It will be the first two-part arc of the series and I think fans will come to appreciate it as the best part of HMTV2! And I promise, no Rick this time.)


	10. Episode 10

**_EPISODE TEN: _SEASICK (Part 1)**

Jack II yawned and stretched as he crawled out of bed and got to planting his crops. The weather had been perfect for his line of work this season and each and every day as he looked upon his gloriously enriched garden, it prompted him to go out and buy some more seeds to plant the following day.

"Beautiful, just gorgeous! I'm gonna be rich by the end of the season!" he smiled to himself, too wrapped up in his own pride to notice that his girlfriend, Karen, had come to visit him at the farm and was standing behind him at that very instant.

"Jack, your sister refuses to come back to your farm," she complained, surprising her boyfriend.

"Huh? Where is she?"

"I took her to the beach this morning so you would have time to work on your garden, remember? You did take advantage of the time, didn't you?" Karen folded her arms and raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, I… of course I did, sweetie!" Jack II lied through his nervous smile.

"Well come on, you need to help me drag her home. She's gonna drown herself if she swims out any further into the water," Karen was obviously way more concerned than Jack II cared to be. Grabbing him by the arm and pulling ruthlessly in her desired direction (as she always seemed to do), she dragged him away from his marvelous crops and down the long paths leading to the town beach.

The two arrived a few short minutes later and sure enough, Jill was nowhere to be seen.

"Oh, no! Jack, jump in and save her! She must have gone under!" Karen panicked.

Out from the sandy mound beside them, Jill popped up and screamed, "Boo!"

"Aahhhhh!!!!!!!" Karen screamed and held on to Jack II for safey.

"Ahahahahahahaa! Karen was scared, I scared Karen!" Jill sang happily.

"Oh, you awful girl!" Karen was evidently very mad at this. "Jack, aren't you going to punish her or something?"

"Yeah… 'cause that'll smarten her up," Jack II was too sarcastic for Karen's taste.

"I've had about enough of your sarcastic tone, I…" she stopped mid-sentence and immediately something in the water out in the distance caught her attention. "Wha…what is that?"

Jack II peered out into the open waters and realized that something was heading at a very fast speed towards them, gliding through the waves in a way that could be called anything but graceful.

Jill hopped up and down frantically, "It's a shark! Lemme kill it!"

"Jill, stay back!" Karen held the crazy girl in place.

The object could now be clearly seen, it was a dolphin with something on its back, and it looked like it was afraid for its life.

"Is that a…?" Karen looked closer.

The dolphin whizzed up to shore and the object on its back went flying onto the dry sands just a few short feet away from Jack II and company, and they could now see that the object was indeed a balding old man wearing a very wet pair of trousers and a seemingly old baseball cap.

"Oh, no!" Jack II stood in horror, one of his worst nightmares had finally come true.

"What is it, Jack?!" Karen pressed herself closer to his body.

Jack II couldn't believe it himself as he spoke the words, "G…grandpa?"

Intermission

The trio walked to wear the old man lay in the sand, desperately trying to brush himself free of the uncomfortable sand that had stuck itself to his wet clothing.

"Grandpa?" Jack II swallowed hard.

"Where?" Jack the first looked around in all directions, _that old man owes me money for my last 50 some-odd birthdays!_

Jill remained in the sand a few yards back, obviously disinterested in the unfolding events as she once again began to bury herself in the sand.

"How can that be? You're dead!" Karen was shocked, but she knew the old man very well to be none other than the famous farmer Jack the first.

"Me?" Jack I looked confused. Bending lower wearily looking around himself, he whispered to her, "Am I in heaven?"

"Of course not!" Jack II yelled out, enraged by the old man's stupidity.

"No fair!" Jack I crossed his arms and spit on the ground. "What did I ever do to get in to the bad place?"

"You're not dead, you imbecile!" Jack II was extremely angered.

"Are you dead?" Jack I whispered to him eerily.

"No! You're back in Mineral Town, you dufus!" Jack II grabbed Karen by HER arm and pulled her back in the direction of the farm, annoyed as he'd ever been.

Jack the first wandered after them, not remembering what Mineral Town was at all, for it had only come to be known as that in the last few years and ofcourse…he never bothered to read the paper.

"Come find me!" Jill hollered to a vacant beach from underneath a pile of sand.

"Jack, what are you going to do?" Karen asked as they all sat at the kitchen table.

"About what?" Jack I asked.

"She meant ME!" Jack II corrected.

"You're Jack too!?" Jack I was surprised.

"Yes, unfortunately, I was named after you!"

Jack I looked at him oddly before leaning close and asking, "Does this mean we're brothers?"

"What? No, hell no!" Jack II slammed his fist on the table.

"Mr. Jack, don't you remember me?" Karen asked the old man shyly.

Jack I peered closely at her for a second and then his whole face lit up, "EVE! I've finally found you!"

It was at this point that he pounced on her and kissed her deeply, repulsing both the young girl and her boyfriend who threw the old man off with a shudder of disgust.

"EW! Oh my god!" Karen spat repeatedly.

"That's what Eve used to say when I did that, now I know it's you!" Jack I rejoiced.

"Rrrgh! She isn't Eve! Eve left you! Can't you understand that?" Jack II could barely contain himself.

"I know! We were playing hide and go seek! My turn!" Jack I quickly rose from the chair and ran for the door. It was then that he accidentally tripped over Ruff 2 who had been sleeping peacefully beneath his feet, hit his head on the table and collapsed to the ground, unconscious.

"Oh, no! Is he alright?" Karen rushed to the sleeping man's aid.

"Who knows, we gotta get him out of here, now!" Jack II cried in frustration.

"But why? He lives here!"

"Exactly! If the rest of the town finds out he's still alive, the farm will no longer be my property!" Jack II had thought matters through very thoroughly.

"Gosh, you're right! What can we do?"

"I don't know, but I thought Jill was tough to get rid of… this is going to be even harder!"

While Karen went back to the beach to get the forgotten idiot, Jill, Jack II went to town to ask the mayor a few questions to see if there was any way he could weasel his grandfather out of the property.

"Where am I?" Jack I woke up with a headache in Jill's bed. He studied his surroundings carefully before coming to the conclusion that he indeed had somehow died in his journeys. The house was exactly how he had left it, and Ruff 2 (who looked exactly like Ruff 1) was somehow alive and well. "I've entered the afterlife!"

Jack I walked out of the house to see if any of his old friends were around yet. It was a shame that Eve had disappeared again, _that woman loves to play hide and go seek,_ he thought. Analyzing the fields, he decided that everything was not how he had left it, and in order to make things right, he stomped on all the crops that were unrightfully growing in his gardens. In other words, all of them.

After he finished that, he took a walk through the town. The first person he came in contact with was Jill, who had been running away from Karen.

"Hi, what are you doing?" Jill asked.

"Playing hide and go seek," Jack I tried to ignore her and find Eve.

"Me too! Wanna hide together?" Jill jumped up and down.

"I can't, I'm 'IT'" Jack I tagged her arm. "Caught you!"

"No fair!" Jill pouted.

"Now you have to help me find Eve," her grandfather explained.

"'Kay!" Jill lead him through the street paths and the pair searched for the long lost relative.

Intermission

"Karen, bad news. There seems to be no way out of this, as long as he's still living, everything belongs to him," Jack II met with her in town square.

"The we have a big problem, I went back to the house to see if Jill was there and your grandfather was gone!"

"Damnit!" Jack II cursed.

"Oh, Jack, what are we going to do?" Karen whined.

"I don't know…wait, he thinks you're Eve, right?

Karen nodded, instantly recognizing that they had the upper hand, "If I call to him, he'll come to me!"

"Right, you need to run around town really fast to try and get him."

"Then what will you do?"

"I'll go check the mountainpass, and any other place where people won't be. It's important that you make people think you're looking for me,"

"That'll be easy, you have the same name."

"Quit reminding me, I'll see you in a bit." Jack II ran off, leaving Karen to run the streets alone.

"Jaaaaack! It's me, Eve!" she called out, but there was no answer. "This is hopeless, they could be anywhere by now."

"Karen?" it was Elli. "Was that you I heard shouting?"

"Uhm, yeah… I'm just looking for Jack."

"Oh… can I help?"

"No!" Karen cried desperately, a little too obvious that something awry was going on. Elli was scared by this, but Karen recomposed herself quickly, "I mean… uh, we're playing hide and go seek with Jill. You know, she's a little… immature for her age,"

"Oh, right. Well what if I played too?"

"I, er… well that wouldn't be fair, why don't you go hide too?" Karen suggested uneasily.

"Hmm, well it does seem a little childish, but hiding was always my favorite part. I'll go see if my boyfriend (the doctor) wants to join!" Elli was off before Eve could stop her.

"Oh, dear," Karen sighed as she continued to walk the streets calling after Jack.

A few yards away, Jack and Jill continued their search for Eve.

"I think I hear her calling me," Jack I listened intently.

"Nope, that's Karen," Jill knew the voice well. "I have to get away from her, so you keep on searching while I run the other way and look for her somewhere else!" Jill ran off.

"Excuse me," Jack said to the old woman who had been passing by, minding her own business.

The woman turned and faced him, shock ran through her veins, "J…Jack?"

"Yep, that's me. Are you Karen?"

"Am… am I what?" the old woman with puffy hair asked in disbelief.

"Not 'what', Karen," Jack I corrected her.

"Um, no. Who's Karen?"

"I don't know..." Jack I admitted.

"D…do you mean that nice young girl that used to be good friends with Rick?" the old woman suggested.

"No, definitely not. I'm talking about the person who's chasing the little girl I was with,"

"What little girl?" this woman was confused.

"The one I was playing games with," Jack I smiled.

"What kind of games?"

"FUN games!" Jack's face lit up. "It was really weird, I woke up in her bed and didn't even know who she was yet!"

"Y…you were in a little girl's bed!?" the woman was disgusted at this revelation.

"Yeah, but I live there now, so we're gonna have lots of time to spend together playing games!" Jack I was overly excited.

"Oh, my! Just how young is this girl?"

"I dunno, neither does she," Jack I didn't see how this was relevant to where Eve was hiding and became annoyed.

"Jack! You are despicable! That poor child, how could you… oh, you're just the same as you always were!" The fretting woman walked quickly away from him.

"She's a mean old lady," Jack continued on his quest.

Intermission

Karen looked behind a bunch of barrels and was surprised to see Maria hiding.

"Maria? What are you doing there?"

"Oh, you found me!" Maria stood up.

"What are you hiding from?"

"You, silly! Elli told the doctor about the game you were playing, Basil overheard and decided to play too. I ran into him when he was on his way to hide, and then he told me and I decided to play, and I guess Elli and the doctor told some people too because when I was looking for a hiding spot, most of the good spots were taken by other people," Maria explained in one long breath.

"Oh, no!" Karen felt a headache coming on. Just then, she spotted Jill across the street. "Jill!" she yelled.

Seeing that she had been spotted, Jill ran away and Karen was quick to follow. The chase went on for a couple of minutes until they came across town square and Jill stopped running at the sight of a big crowd of townspeople gathered around in bunches.

"Alright, who is yet to be found?" the mayor asked the roaming crowds.

"Just Jack!" Greg the fisherman hollered above the other voices.

"Oh, no!" Karen said under her breath.

"Hah! Caught you!" Jack II grabbed his grandfather by the collar.

"I'm it! I caught you!" Jack I wiped his hand away.

"I'm not playing your stupid games, old man!" Jack II yelled at him. As this debate was about to heat up, the two easily ignored the coming crowd of townspeople who walked in unison yelling the name "Jack,"

"You're just a sore loser!" Jack I tagged him angrily.

"Shut up, you! Let's go back home and figure out what we're going to do with you!"

"No, you help me find Eve now!"

The crowd could now see the two arguing family members from a distance now, and were closing in on them without their noticing as they continued their argument.

"There he is!" Someone yelled.

"Who's that with him?!"

"Jack! Jack! Jack!" the crowd yelled.

"She's gone for good, you old bum!" Jack II accused harshly.

"I may not be good at hide and go seek, but she's out there somewhere!" Jack I stood defiantly.

"Jack! JACK! JJAACCKK!" the people called to him.

"WHAT!?!?!?!" the two angry Jacks turned and yelled to an annoying crowd.

The people all stopped and stared as they realized who the older man next to Jack II was.

"Oh, crap…" Jack II stood frozen in place.

**TO BE CONTINUED!**

(Wow, my first to be continued episode. And for good cause, being the return of our old friend. I hope the whole sex jokes didn't go over any of the younger readers heads, and I also hope no one was offended. I'd like to take this time to thank my faithful reviewers, your continued support is helping out very nicely to gain new fans! Talk to you next time in the conclusion to this special 2-part event!)


	11. Episode 11

**_EPISODE ELEVEN: _SEASICK (Part 2)**

( **RECAP:** Old Farmer Jack mysteriously returns from the far seas, and Jack II is there to find him wash up ashore. While trying to make sure that Jack I isn't seen by the other townspeople (for property of the farm reasons), the whole town gets caught up in a game of hide and seek which ultimately leads to the discovery of Jack I's return. Many questions are still left unanswered, such as where was Jack I all this time? Who was the old lady he spoke to briefly? And how did Jack I become a citizen of Mineral Town when (in season 1) he decided to move back to the city? All these questions and more will be answered in this important episode!)

"Indeed, this is a pickle we have gotten ourselves into," the mayor agreed with Jack II. The townspeople were all sent home in shock of discovering Jack I to be alive and well, and Jack II, Karen, Jill, and Jack I followed the mayor back to his home to discuss what was to happen next regarding the ownership of the farm.

"So there's no way that we can work around it? He owns the farm still?" Jack II asked hopefully.

"Well, technically… he is legally dead," the mayor tried thinking outside the box for this rather odd situation. "If you could somehow convince him to give the farm to you and then disappear…"

"Yo, gramps!" Jack II caught his grandfather's low attention.

"Hm?"

"I'm taking the farm," Jack II stated.

"Where?" Jack blinked curiously.

"Wha?... no! I mean I'm taking over the ownership."

Jack stared at his grandson for a moment before answering in his peculiarly hushed tone, "You have a ship?!"

"Uh… Huh? No! Jeez, not that kind of ship, OWNER ship! Meaning I own the farm? God, it's like talking to a two year old!" Jack II fused.

"You know," Jack I got ready to tell a wise old story like old people sometimes do to their grandchildren. "I was two once,"

"Me toooo!" Jill jumped for joy at this revelation.

"Jack, this isn't going to be that easy," Karen warned her boyfriend. She was correct, and he knew it.

"Mayor, how the hell did he even come to own this farm?" Jack II needed some background knowledge if he ever expected to get anywhere.

"Well, the story goes that his grandfather owned it, and he inherited it after his death. He was said to be quite the moneymaker, but at the end of his probationary period, he ultimately decided it didn't fit his style of living. On that day… the town burned to the ground. The citizens worked together to rebuild it, and thus, Mineral Town was born. I guess Eve decided that the city life was too much for Jack, and they moved right back when everything was finished. Some citizens left, others came, and the community we have now is the end result. Jack stayed there for a long time raising your father, Eve disappeared, you should know the rest."

"…Wow, propagate much?" Jack II said unenthusiastically.

"That was an interesting story," Karen shot Jack II an evil look for his rudeness. "But while you were talking, it seems the small minded ones have managed to escape," she pointed to the table where Jack and his granddaughter had been seated.

"That does it," Jack II banged his fists on the wall. "I need to get drunk."

Intermission

"I have one Jackie, I have two Jackies!" Jill counted on her fingers as her and her grandpa walked unsteadily along the city paths.

"Oh, pretty!" Jack I pointed to the house on their left.

"We can't go in there," Jill warned. "That lady is diseased!" she referred to the poor sick Lillia.

"Maybe I can help her," Jack I suggested.

"Nope, she'll die," Jill decided.

"Jack?" a familiar voice chirped from behind them. It was the old lady that had met him on the path during their game of hide and seek, Jack remembered that this woman had some temper issues.

"He'll get back to you," Jack walked away.

"Wait, Jack!" her words were lost to the wind as Jill stood at her feet and stared steadily into her eyes. "Do you know that man?" the woman asked her.

"He's my special friend," Jill said conceitedly.

"It's our grandfather… I was adopted," Jack II and Karen had arrived at the scene, sweating from the short jog in the hot sun.

"Oh, my! You look just like him, now I understand what is going on," the old lady realized.

"What did you think was going on?" Karen asked as the old woman blushed.

"She thought he was molesting me," Jill surprised everyone with her quick and blunt presumption, which actually turned out to be correct. Even more surprising was that she knew such a long word. The group was stunned while Jill turned and walked in the general direction her grandfather had gone.

"O…kay, we need to go find him," Jack II got down to business.

"Let me go with you," the old woman pleaded. "I would like to talk to him and apologize for my rude behavior earlier."

"Suits yourself, he won't know who you are or what you're talking about though," Jack II trotted off on his way with the two females following close behind.

"So who are you?" Karen asked the old lady.

"Oh, that's right, you must have been too young to remember me. I'm Lillia's mother, I've come to look after her since she is not well. It has been a very hard time for her, with the death of Rick and then Popuri eloping with Kai."

"You knew my grandpa then?" Jack II interrupted.

"Mmmhmm, we used to date when we were young. My name is Nina."

"Huh, never heard of you," Jack II rudely admitted.

Up ahead, the group could now see that Jill had been conversing with her grandfather in town square.

"You're a poopy head!" Jill yelled, it was the first audible sentence.

Jack I ran the tips of his fingers over his face, "(Gasp) Liar!"

"Hey, you!" Jack II yelled. "I'm not done with you yet, we need to discuss the ownership of the farm!"

"Oh! I need to borrow that ship!" Jack I remembered.

"Why do you need a ship?" Karen cut in.

"To use, duh!" Jill mused.

"Use how?" Karen persisted.

"I put it in the water and usually it does the rest," Jack I told the truth.

"Lemme try," Jack II decided it was time to save his girlfriend the hastle. "Why do you want to leave the island?"

"To find Eve," Jack I was proud to know yet another answer.

"Oh, poor dear," Nina said silently from behind the others.

"She's gone! Get it through your head!" Jack II yelled harshly.

"I know she's gone, that's why I have to go and find her,"

"This is hopeless!" Jack II raged. "I just…wait, maybe not!" he pulled Karen aside for a moment. "If we can get him a ship, he'll leave and then the farm will be mine again!"

"We can't trick him! That's evil!" Karen protested.

"We don't have any other choice, he doesn't understand anything."

Tears came to Karen's eyes as she realized, "But, he'll be searching til the end of his life for someone who probably isn't even alive anymore!"

"She isn't," Nina interrupted. "I never really spoke to her after the town burned to the ground, but she did come to my village on occasion with her new family. I never understood what compelled her to leave her husband and newborn, but I do know she did not live a happy life after. Her other children went off and got married, her husband was a drunkard. I know she probably regretted leaving Jack, but felt that the village would no longer accept her if she came back."

"What happened to her then?" Karen wiped away her tears.

"Died of a broken heart is my guess. It's a sad story, but even sadder is the one that Jack must be living through right now," Nina looked upon the withering old form who sat arguing with his retarded granddaughter on the bench. "To think he's spent all these years waiting for her to come back, and then went searching for her… it's no wonder his mind is in such bad shape,"

"Yeah, that's the reason," Jack II said sarcastically. Under his breath, he whispered to his annoyed girlfriend, "Honestly, the people who lived here back then must have been the most ignorant buffoons imaginable to have not discovered what a kook he really is!"

"You have no heart," Karen shoved him with her elbow.

Intermission

In the end, it was decided that Jack would go to live with Nina in the next town over. It would take some time to convince the old bugger to do so, however.

"Jack, do you remember who I am?" Nina asked him.

"You're the old lady that yelled at me," Jack answered truthfully.

"But do you remember my name? The time we spent together as young adults, growing up in this town?"

Jack looked at her with wide eyes, "Are you an alien?!"

"What? Of course not,"

"Then no."

Nina was confused, and immediately she remembered the similar feelings she used to get while talking to him when they were young. Perhaps it was love? Well we all know it was stupidity, but Nina's not so bright herself, so lets not spoil it for her.

"Jack, it's me! Nina!"

Jack studied her for a moment, "You got old!"

"Uh, yes, yes I did. And do did you," Nina smiled.

"What happened to your green hair?" Jack was amused.

"Uh, it was pink. It's like you said, I got old," she was now very uncomfortable. "You lost yours, and mine turned grey,"

Jack put his hands to his head immediately at her remark, "OH… MY… GOD!"

Nina laughed at this, Jack was furious. "You could always make me laugh,"

"I could always make you mad," Jack reflected. He never understood why, exactly, but he knew that most of the memories he still had of her were of her yelling at him. But he did remember that she had also been a gorgeous young girl.

"Haha, that too. Jack, would you like to come to my village and we can spend the rest of our days together, like old times?"

"…You mean like money?" Jack didn't see how time could amount to such value.

"Huh?"

"Nod and say yes," Jack II instructed his grandfather as he and Karen watched from a few feet away.

Jack nodded and said yes, not knowing exactly what it was that he was agreeing to, but that was how it always was.

"Oh, I'm so happy!" Nina hugged him tightly.

"Can I have my hair back now, please?"

"Oh, Jack! Everything worked out wonderfully!" Karen cuddled up close to him as the family spent their last night at the farm together before Jack and Nina's departure.

"Says you! Perfect would have been if they'd take Jill along with them," Jack II grumbled miserably.

"Grandpa, where are you going?" Jill asked Jack curiously.

Jack looked upon her with a wise expression upon his weathered face, "Tomorrow, I don't know. Now? To take a dump," he got up and walked to the washroom.

"Close the door this time!" Jack II yelled.

"And put the seat up!" Karen offered.

"And wash your hands!" Jill was happy to contribute.

"In the SINK!" Jack II saved the day with that final comment.

Jack I turned to face these annoying jerks, "I'll do what I can!"

"So now that everything is all settled, is there anything that's on your mind, Jack? Karen hinted.

"Besides the fact that in a couple minutes I'll probably have to go clean the damned bathroom? I don't think so,"

"Aw, c'mon! Hasn't all this talk of new beginnings made you think at all of the future?"

"Well, there's a certain something I'd like to try out with you under the bedsheets," Jack II hinted in turn.

"Nice try, I'm saving myself for marriage."

"Pff," Jack II huffed. "Saving yourself but you're killing me,"

"Jackie's getting' married, Jackie's getting' married!" Jill exercised her selective hearing through means of a song.

"Shut up, you little twirp! It's bad enough Karen has these ideas in her head!" Jack II hissed.

"And why shouldn't I? Popuri and Kai eloped, the doctor and Elli are engaged. It's just getting to be that time in our life,"

Jack emerged from the washroom with a curious look upon his face.

"What is it, grandpa?"

"Did you say to put the seat up before or after I was done?"

"Before,"

"…We have a small problem."

_Summer 20th, Year 2._

_Sorry I haven't written in a few days. Nothing of much importance has really been happening… nope, nothin' at all. Anyways, bedtime for me!_

_Dae 20, Munth 2, Yeer 2._

_Grampa cam bak and we plad hid and seeck and tomoro hes going bak with sum uther ladeee to sum uther taoon and stuf. Win I gro up I wont to bee juss lik himm. _

So Jack went to live with Nina, and eventually Jack forgot all about Eve and fell deeply in love with Nina. Nina's husband had died many years back, and she had always thought she would be alone for the rest of her life. The two would finally be at peace, for the first time in many years.

Lillia gained a new sense of hope from watching her mother become happy once more, and slowly but surely headed on a road to recovery. But this is not how the story ends, my friends. No, there is much more to tell of this dysfunctional little bunch, so stay tuned!

**THE END**

(So there we have it, Jack got a happy ending at last! Only four episodes remain of this season and then I'll get started on my side story series "The Legend of the River King" which will be a small 3 part story to tide everyone over until I can start on season 3 of HMTV!)


	12. Episode 12

**_EPISODE TWELVE: _THE EVIL WON**

Jack II wandered around the shop hopelessly, not knowing what he was going to do. He couldn't very well just buy a blue feather to propose to Karen with from her own parents, could he? Would they disapprove and refuse to sell it to him? Would they spoil the surprise and tell their daughter about Jack II's plans to marry her? The situation was not good, but he was thankful that Jill was playing with Stu back at the farm.

"You're taking your time today, anything I can help you with?" Jeff offered from behind the cash register. Jeff was Karen's father, a nice man, but what did he think of Jack II?

"Umm, uh… no, nu…nothing! Bye!" Jack II panicked and ran out of the store.

"Was that Jack?" Sasha appeared from the back room to greet her hardworking husband.

"Yep,"

"Did the shmuck finally get the guts to buy the blue feather?"

"Nope,"

"Panzy."

"What the hell do I do now?" Jack II asked himself as he walked the streets of Mineral Town.

"Perhaps I can help," an odd looking Chinese fellow seemed to appear out of nowhere.

"Not unless you have a blue feather I can buy," Jack II looked at him oddly.

"And suppose I do, what then?"

"Um, I'd… buy it from you?" Jack II knew the answer had to be obvious, but this strange fellow made it seem like the thought had never occurred to him.

"Ah, I see. You want to marry, but why is it that you refuse to buy it from the market like any other person?"

"Because my girlfriend's parents own the shop, it would be… weird."

"Ah, that is a predicament! But luckily you have me to save you! Allow me to introduce myself, they call me Won!" he took a bow.

"Um, aren't you the psycho guy that everyone talks about for ripping them off and becoming an illegal immigrant more than once?" Jack II raised an eyebrow.

"Erm…no,"

"Okay, just checking," Jack II waited while the strange little man opened up his sack and brought out the miraculous blue feather. It was indeed big and very blue, and that was all Jack II needed to satisfy himself. "How much?"

"Oh, just your soul,"

"My WHAT?!" Jack II's suspicions had finally been raised.

"You heard me, your soul!" Won confirmed.

"Whew," Jack II sighed in relief. "I thought you said my 'pole', I did mention I was marrying a GIRL, right?"

"…Hey, if yer offering,"

"No! I am not!" Jack II hissed.

"Fine, your soul."

"So how do we do this?"

Won smiled evilly, "Just head down to the church and revoke your worship from the Harvest Goddess, pledging allegiance through prayer to the underworld and its leaders,"

"Who are the leaders?"

"So far just the devil, he'll have his hands tied with your sister in about 50 years or so though."

Intermission

"Oh, Jack, it's been the perfect evening!"

"Shut up, Jill," Jack II scowled bitterly at his sister. Jill had been listening to the two lovers talk from inside the farmhouse through an open window.

"I don't sound like that, do I?" Karen became upset.

"Of course not," Jack II consoled her. "Jill is emotionally inept, just ignore her.

"So what was it you wanted to ask me?" Karen conformed to his request.

"Uh, maybe we should go somewhere else, since Jill is listening," Jack II suggested.

"It's getting pretty late, just tell me!" Karen whined impatiently.

Jack II was frustrated by this, but he was very eager to ask her the very question she had been dying to hear from him for quite some time now.

"Well, for the record, I wish we were alone," he pulled the blue feather from his pocket and presented it to her. "Will you marry me, Karen?"

"Oh, JACK!" Karen excitedly snatched it from his palms and stared happily into its dark blue shade.

"Wench!" Jill cursed as she bitterly shut the window.

"So?" Jack II waited with a cool smile across his face, satisfied with a job well done.

"You PIG!" Karen threw it in his face.

"Wh…wha?" Jack II was stunned.

"It's a fake! You bought a cheap fake just so you could save some money! You're horrible!"

"But…it can't be!" Jack II stuttered.

"You think I don't know a fake one from a real one? I see it everyday in my parents' shop, and they would never sell you a fake!" Karen stormed off furiously.

"Karen! Wait!" Jack II was screwed, to say the very least.

"Ahhahahahahaha!" Jill laughed from the next window over, she had failed to close it in time and was delighted that her brother could be so heartless. "Jack's going to hellllll!"

"Oh, crap!" Jack II's eyes went wide. "I am! I should have never sold my soul to that guy!"

Jill was amused by this last comment, and instantly became very interested in the details. "What guy?"

"Won!"

"One what?"

"No, Wonnnn!"

"Who won what?" Jill opened the door to the farmhouse and began her instigation into homicide.

"The Chinese dude that sells stuff!" Jack II screamed.

"Hahahaha, he's from China! Know that?"

"What am I gonna do?" Jack II's face instantly became expressionless, and his life seemed to fade from his body completely.

"Jackie?" Jill realized something was wrong. "Wake up! WAKE UPPP!" her attempts were hopeless, Jack II was in a state of nonbeing.

Without warning, in one fluid motion, Jack II grabbed his sister and threw her across the field a short distance, and as expressionlessly as before, turned and walked to town.

"That was mean!" Jill whined from the dirty ground. Something was wrong with her messed up brother, and it was up to her to get to the bottom of it. But first, she was going to ride the dog like a horsey since he was no longer there to stop her.

"HAHAHA!" Won laughed to himself. "Foolish dimwit, he probably believes that I truly have control over his soul. I may not have control over that, but I do have control over his body and his mind, for whoever touches my magic feather will be under my power! Ahahahaha!"

Several townspeople stared in bewilderment at the cackling man in the corner of the pub, wondering just how many drinks he had gulped down tonight.

"Daddy, maybe we should cut him off," Ann was becoming quite frightened by the man she was being forced to serve alcohol to.

"I think you're right, sweetie," Doug walked over to Won. "Alright, I think you've had enough tonight, buddy,"

"Why, you!!! Actually, I do feel a little tipsy… and perhaps telling my evil plot to the entire place was going a little overboard," Won agreed. "As you wish, I shall leave the premises and be on my way."

"Say," Doug leaned over to his daughter to whisper in her ear. "Have you seen Karen tonight? She was scheduled to work,"

"She told me to tell you that she needed the night off, she thinks Jack is proposing tonight." Ann smiled sheepishly, for she had forgotten to tell her father sooner.

"Ah, let us hope."

Won stumbled out of the pub and onto the streets just as Jack II was coming to meet with him.

"Ah, my new associate! How wonderful of you to drop by, and where is my number two?" he looked from side to side in search of Karen. "Oh well, she'll be here shortly, assuming she did in fact touch the magic feather.

Jack II grunted something incoherently as he pointed off into the darkness where Karen had been slowly trudging along to come meet with her new master.

Won did not see anything, "Boy, am I ever plastered!" he fell to the ground giggling.

"Stop, fiend!" it was Jill… or rather Jill in a ridiculous looking costume consisting of a little eye mask and a really small cape.

"Bah! The authorities have come to take me away again! Jack! Jack's girlfriend! ATTACK!" Won cried from his fallen over position on the ground.

Intermission

Jill saw that her brother and Karen were moving ever so slowly toward her in an attempt to stop her from getting to Won, but this did not phase her. Swiftly, she ran up to her brother and kicked him in his "special place", which made him fall over in pain as he moaned like a zombie.

Karen was now in plain view, and Jill was finally able to seek revenge on the one who had barged into her life and taken the only family she had left.

"Hey, Karen!" Jill barked.

"Uhhhhh," Karen moaned in the same zoblie-esque tone that Jack II had.

"You're not good looking!" Jill taunted.

Shamefully, Karen's subconscious kicked in and she fell to the ground crying over the insult.

"Perhaps I would have done better brushing the feather across random people on the street," Won admittedly regretted his bad plan. "Or at least asked for money,"

"I want money!" Jill had been sidetracked.

"Huh? You do, do you?" Won smiled as he wavered from side to side, trying ever so hard to stand upright.

"Duh!"

"Hmm, well this can be arranged," Won laughed. "Join me, and together we will become rich, rich, RICH!"

"Okay!" Jill jumped for joy. "What do I do?!"

"Well, firstly, you must find the magic…I mean the 'blue' feather and bring it back to me," Won was sure she'd fall for this trap.

"No, Karen threw it on the ground!" Jill knew that if it wasn't good enough for Karen, it was damn well no where near being good enough for her.

"Damnit! Why the hell not?" Won demanded.

"If you want to pupoze to me, you need to get me a GOOD one!" Jill said defiantly.

"What? I don't want it so that we can be married!" Won was puzzled.

"Don't you love me anymore?" Jill whined.

"I never loved you, what are you talking about?!"

"There's someone else, isn't there?" it seemed that Jill had been taking notes every time Karen overreacted to something Jack II stupidly did or said in her presence.

"Erm, no…but if there were I don't see why,"

"You promise?"

"…What?"

"Oh, Jack, I love you!" Jill (or rather, Farmer girl) ran to Won and jumped on him to hug him tightly. Being as intoxicated as he was, they both fell heavily to the ground.

"What in hell is wrong with you?" Won shouted.

"That's no way to speak to a lady!" Farmer girl slapped him hard in the face.

"I…I'm sorry?"

"You're darn right you are!"

"I mean, I beg your pardon?" Won was too confused.

"You're excused,"

"That doesn't make any sense!" Won yelled as he tried to push her off of him.

"Tell me what I wanna know!" Farmer girl got down to business, although she really had no clue what it was she needed to know.

"Alright! What to you want to know?" Won gave in.

"…You know what I wanna know!"

"What? No, I don't!"

"Liar!" Jill slapped him again.

"Jill?" Karen woke from her dreamstate in a daze.

"Blast!" Won cursed. "The effects of the magic powder must be wearing off, I must have that feather back!"

Suddenly it all began to make sense to Karen, "You fooled Jack into buying that feather?"

"None other!" Won announced proudly.

"…Jill, take him down!" Karen hissed.

Finally, something Jill understood. The beating began and Karen went to revive Jack II from his dreary state of sleep.

Jack II explained everything to Karen, and as always, she forgave him and accepted his lame story. The next day, they would go to the market and buy the blue feather together, announcing once and for all that they were engaged.

_Fall the 12th, Year 2._

_I have the greatest girl in the world, and now I'm finally ready to settle down and enjoy the rest of my life with her. Things couldn't be any better!_

_Dae 12, Munth 3, Yeer 2._

_Farm grl wins agen! Hee livs in chyna and I beet him bad, and stuf. Jak and Karon r gitin mareed nao and I im mad! MAADDD! OO, I hav 2 go, I just faoond a nikl on the flor! _

**THE END**

(All this happiness is making me sick! Just kidding, but seriously, something obviously has to go wrong soon! I was glad to see that the fans were happy with the two-part storyline, perhaps I will do another one in the next iteration of the series! And thanks to those who checked out the special commentary chapter for HMTV1 which I silently posted at the same time, I'll be adding more content in the future!)


	13. Episode 13

**_EPISODE THIRTEEN: _AN UNEXPECTED SURPRISE**

"I'M DRUNK! I'M DRUNK!" Jill ran around in a panic with a small bottle of wine clenched in her fist.

"You're not drunk, you moron!" Jack II tried to pull it away from her to no avail.

"I am SooooO!!" Jill spat.

It was Jack II and Karen's wedding day, and Jill was determined to become as drunk as can be.

"Um, Jack," Karen tapped her soon-to-be husband on the shoulder. "Is she even old enough to drink?"

Jack II considered this for a long few seconds before answering, "In Mexico, yes. You know what they say: if you're old enough to see over the bar table, you're old enough to drink."

"I don't think that's true at all," Karen glared at him angrily.

Jack II shrugged, "I doubt they'd appreciate having her in their country anyways."

"To the church!" the mayor yelled above the voices of the many villagers who had gathered around town square for the coming festivities. The people all started the short trek across town to their destination, joyfully laughing and chatting about how wonderful a couple the bride and groom were.

"So, I thought it was tradition that the bride and groom weren't supposed to see each other until the actual wedding," Jack II wondered aloud as they walked.

"Well, when an entire town burns down that is rooted in tradition and strict rules, people start to think that perhaps things weren't meant to be so formal all the time," Karen reminded him of the rueful stories about how the "old" town had fallen from grace, no doubt because of his grandfather himself. This got Jack II thinking.

"I wonder if my parents are attending,"

"Hmm, well it won't be too much longer until they come to visit. If they don't come, they probably just didn't get the invitation in time," Karen smiled sweetly, she always had a way of making him look on the bright side.

"Yeah, you're probably right."

"Nope, I am," a sniveling old man appeared out of the crowd to walk with them, his eyes staring intently at the young groom.

"Wh…who the hell invited YOU!?" Jack II yelled angrily.

"I did, he IS your grandfather," Karen inquired.

"No, no, no," Jack I grumbled to himself. "He died, long time ago. I own his farm now,"

"Dumbass!" Jack II slapped him upside the head. "I own it now! You live in another town, with Nina, remember?"

"He really is quite forgetful in his old age," Nina appeared from behind them. "I can never tell if he's playing a joke or having trouble remembering things,"

"Trust me, he has never told a joke in his LIFE!" Jack II forged on angrily.

"I'm a very serious person," Jack I informed them all.

"Here grampa! Have some whiskey!" Jill handed a bottle up to him.

"Where did you get that!?" Karen grabbed it from him and scowled at Jill. "I thought you were drinking wine, not whiskey!"

"I'm versatile!" she smiled as she practiced her new word.

"Fun word!" Jack I grabbed her hands and the two idiots were left dancing in the middle of the street behind the rest of the wedding guests.

Intermission

The ceremony did not last very long, and went completely as planned with the absence of Jill and her grandfather, thankfully. It seemed that Jack II had finally caught a break and was on his way to a wonderful new life with Karen. When all was done, everyone got drunk.

"Jack, let's go home. You can barely stand up anymore," Karen held her new husband up as best she could.

"Aii… You can't say me, what ta do!" Jack II fell to the ground laughing like a moron.

"Guess what! Guess what!" Jill came screaming into Karen's view as the rest of the guests continued to dance and have a good time.

"Not now, please, Jill. You brother is very drunk, and…"

"Me too!" Jill grinned widely.

"Woooooo!" Jack II attempted to pull himself up by grabbing hold of his younger sister's leg, squealing in sheer drunkenness.

"Weeeeee!" Jill kicked him back to the ground.

"Jill, I told you not to drink! It's for grown ups!" Karen scolded.

Jill looked at the girl oddly, "I'm 18 years old!"

Karen stared blankly, "Y… you're wha?!"

"It means ten years, plus eight!" Jill explained proudly.

"Uh…I, er… that's still a bit too young to be… are you positive?" Karen couldn't believe it.

"Positive…? No, I'm pretty sure I'm negative."

"I mean are you sure?"

"I said I was 'pretty' sure!" Jill was getting annoyed. "I'm pretty a lot of stuff,"

"No!" Karen blurted. "Are you sure that you are 18 years old? Are you lying to me? You don't exactly…" _Act it, _she almost said. "Look it,"

"I have boobies too! I hate you!" Jill screamed at her.

"No! Jill, that's not what I meant!" Karen tried to console her before the rest of the guests saw their dispute.

Just before Jill was about to rip her own shirt off to prove her case, Gray came stumbling in their path and fell to the ground laughing. Realizing that the boy was in the same state of drunken humor as himself, Jack II embraced him in a giggly hug.

"I love you, man!"

"I love you, dude! Who are you!" Gray could not see his face clearly enough to tell. "Oh, who cares! You are the MAN!" Gray hugged him again.

"Gray!" Ann yelled from the crowd at her boyfriend. "You're drunk! Go home before you embarrass yourself!" _or me!_

Gray and Jack II attempted to stand up, using each other for balance.

"Thi…this…this guy! I am telling you! He… he is!..." Gray laughed. "THE BEST!"

"No, man! YOU!" Jack II pointed a finger in Gray's face. "Him! He, is… you are… man!"

"Dude! You're drunk!" Gray laughed.

"I know, man! She's my… my… it's my wedding day!"

"Dude! Mine too!" Gray exclaimed.

"Gray! Stop this at once!" Ann pulled at his arm.

"Get your hands off of him!" Jill spat at him and slapped her hand away.

At this point, the whole crowd had been drawn to the unfolding events in the middle of town square.

"He's my boyfriend!" Ann defended her position of ordering him around.

Gray made a sound holding back a loud laugh through his nostrils, "Uh oh!"

"That's right, uh oh!" Ann yelled at him.

"Well he's MY husband!" Jill smirked at her.

"What on earth are you talking about?!" Ann was dumbfounded and the whole crowd gasped.

Gray suddenly got an inkling as to the dilemma he had put himself in, "Uh…sorry, honey," he gave Ann a sheepish look.

"How could this have happened?" Karen piped, feeling she had taken a backseat to the drama now.

"A priest came… and something else, then something else…" Gray tried hard to remember.

"What? The priest was at Karen's wedding!" Ann yelled. "Who in hell married you two?"

Jill pointed to the back of the crowd at an older gentleman with his back turned to them all as he inconspicuously tried to steal a chicken wing that he had accidentally dropped into a young girl's long hair. Upon noticing the crowd watching his every move, he frowned, "Well someone's gotta eat it!"

"Mr. Jack?" Karen stared dumbly at him, along with the rest of the people.

"Yes, who are you?"

"What!?!" Ann wailed in outrage. "He's not a real priest! He's not even…" she was cut short as she noticed the quiet mayor, slowly nodding his head up and down in validation of the unthinkable claim.

"I'm afraid it is true… it is a very long story, but some time in his mid to late forties he decided he had had enough of the church and founded his own religious practice that disenfranchised the idea of going to church at all," the mayor's head was sunk very low.

"Church sucks!" Jack I muttered to himself at the mere mention of it.

"Then…?" Ann's eyes welled up with tears.

"I'm afraid so," the mayor confirmed. "Jill and Gray are now married under the laws of Mineral Town."

"Party time!" Jack II yelled from the ground, not even bothering to raise his head from the dirt as he lay sprawled out on his back.

"Congratchilassnsnsns, man!" Gray stuttered to himself.

"There must be some way we can…" Ann began to protest.

"Oh, leave the happy couple alone!" the crowd yelled at her.

"It's okay, sweetie," her father patted her on the back.

"We'll find you a REAL boyfriend someday, but you can't go around telling everyone you're with someone when you're not."

"But… BUT…!" Ann was beyond outraged.

"Heartless witch!" someone screamed.

"To the four newly weds!" some yelled and everyone raised their glasses to the sky in celebration.

"HEAR HEAR!"

Jack II turned to face Karen, "Make them stop screaming!!" the hangover had begun.

"Serves you right!" Karen frowned at him.

"Wahhh!" a little girl screamed in the crowd.

"I GOT IT!" Jack I raised the chicken wing up high in triumph.

Intermission

"Just where are you two going to live? How will you eat?" Karen yelled from inside the farmhouse kitchen. Jack II and Gray held their heads tightly at the dinner table, wishing they had never had a sip to drink that day. Jill bounced up and down in her own seat, half ignoring Karen and her usual "logical" claims.

"My husband has a jobbie!" Jill hugged Gray tightly.

"Go away!" Gray moaned.

"Oh, really! And is that enough to provide for the two of you? Enough to pay for a home and food and clothes and…?" Karen barked at Gray now.

"Please stop yelling!" Jack II and Gray complained.

"I will NOT!" Karen continued.

"I never even wanted to marry her!" Gray punched himself in the forehead a couple times.

"Well you should have thought about that BEFORE you decided to drink so much!"

"I TOLD YOU I was drunk!" Jill laughed proudly.

"Maybe there's a way to annul the marriage," Karen looked behind her toward Jack the first.

"Nope!" Jack I blinked.

"Why not?"

"'Cause I dunno what it means," he admitted.

"It means…"

"I don't wanna know, good night!" Jack I was gone in a giffy.

"Maybe I should start my own religion…" Gray mumbled through his hands.

Jill smacked his head hard and laughed, "BAD DOG!"

_Winter the 10th, Year 2._

_ToO DRuNk…_

_Dae 10, Munth 4, Yeer 2._

_I sed I got drunk and thay didnnt bleev mee and I sed it egen and thay stil didn't and then I got mareed and thay finalllee got the mesij! I think his nam is Green._

**THE END**

(Yes, Jill got married too. Yikes. Only two episodes remain, sorry this one took so long to be posted. Xmas drinking took up more of my time than I expected! The premise for HMTV 3 has been written and I'll be posting it for you all to read at the end of episode 15!)


	14. Episode 14

**_EPISODE FOURTEEN: _BABY TIME!**

Jack II stared wearily at his wife, Karen, making her feel very uncomfortable as she sat down at the table to eat breakfast.

"Jack, sweetie, what is wrong?" she tried to make some sense of his behavior.

Jack II sighed deeply, "Karen, this is not working out."

Karen's eyes exploded open and fear coursed through her entire body at this shocking revelation, "What!?!"

"Yeah," Jack II continued. "I thought the married life would be great, but you have proven over the last few weeks that you just don't care anymore."

"But… but how do you mean?" Karen was almost in tears.

"Well, you've really let yourself go. I mean, look at you! You're gigantic!" Jack II couldn't believe the weight she had gained. "It has become very evident that you don't care about your figure anymore now that you're taken off the market, and you definitely don't care how I feel about your physical appearance anymore."

Karen sighed in relief, though she should have been pissed at her husband's arrogance and stupidity.

"Anyways, you don't have to leave right away. I can give you some time to get your old job back and get back on your…"

WHAM!

Karen slammed his head hard down on the table and yelled, "You disgusting little jerk!"

"Karen, I thought we could be mature adults about this!" Jack II rubbed his aching head.

"Mature? How about this for mature: I'M FRIGGIN' PREGNANT YOU JACKASS!" She stood up and cleared the table of the untouched food.

"Y… you're what?" Jack II was confused and stunned.

"I swear, you are just the most shallow being on the planet sometimes! Were you really about to divorce me because of a few measly pounds I had gained?"

'A few' seemed like an understatement, but he wasn't about to make things worse then they already were for himself. "Uh… ofcourse not! I knew you were pregnant, c'mon! I was just joking…" he lied with a guilty fake laugh to follow.

"Rrrgh!" Karen walked outside and slammed the door behind her.

A few seconds later it opened again and Jill appeared into view, "Wow, big brother, your wifey got fat!"

"Heh, now I KNOW I was wrong."

"Maybe you should take her to the gym,"

"Mineral Town doesn't have a gym, Jill, you know this."

"Hmmm…" Jill thought to herself long and hard. Jack II should have told her about Karen's pregnancy right then, but he had a lot to think about now. How were they going to afford a child? They were barely able to manage with the money they had already and winters were very tough to get through. Where would it sleep? What would it eat?

"Oh, this is soooo not good."

"I know," Jill agreed. "She's too big. But don't worry, I'll think of something!"

"Shouldn't you be at home with your husband?" Jack II grew annoyed with her.

"We're playing hide and seek!"

Intermission

Karen walked silently by herself around town and greeted the people as they walked on by. She had a lot of problems that needed to be sorted out, and she couldn't rely on Jack II to help.

_I married a child! A worthless, good for nothing child!_

"Hi, Karen," Mary greeted.

"Oh, hi, Mary."

"I see you have a bun in the oven, congratulations!"

"Thank you! I'm glad someone noticed it for what it really is. Jack thought I was just getting fat, and if Jill ever heard the phrase 'bun in the oven' she'd be searching for days trying to find it before it burned!" Karen was evidently very bothered.

"Things not working out so well?" Mary was deeply concerned for her lifelong friend.

"No, well… I don't know. We're very poor, and we knew that one day we would want to have children… but this is just too soon. I held off telling him about it, but it all just kind of blew up in my face this morning and I don't know what we're going to do."

"Aw, I wish I could help. I guess marriage is more complicated than I thought."

"Same here," Karen sulked.

"I found you!" Jill came running up from behind Karen and grabbed her by the hand.

"Jill? What's the matter?"

"Come quick, come quick!" Jill beckoned her sister-in-law to follow her down the dusty streets towards the barn.

"Oy, and here we go with another problem," Karen waved goodbye to Mary and began the walk back to the farm.

Jack II was busy working on the fields and didn't even notice when Jill and Karen walked past him and into the house, his mind was too full with bitter thoughts of his present situation.

"Okay, what is it?" Karen asked her when they had sat down at the table.

"Um…." Jill tried to remember what she was going to say. "Oh, yeah! I remember! I'm gonna be a cook!"

"Uh… what?"

"A chef!" Jill announced proudly. "Try this!"

Karen looked down on the table at a small dish containing a substance that looked almost identical to a clump of dirt.

"Is that dirt?"

"It's food," Jill assured her.

"Uh, I'm not really hungry right now," Karen pushed it aside.

"Eat!" Jill yelled in outrage.

Karen studied her face for a moment, "Are you trying to trick me into becoming bulimic, Jill?"

Jill stayed silent, for she had no clue what she was talking about.

"It means tricking me into eating this dirt so that I'll get sick and throw up, therefore, losing weight in the process," Karen explained.

"Yes!" Jill smiled proudly at her well conceived plan. "I mean no," she lied when she realized she had blown her cover.

"Jill, I'm not fat. I'm pregnant."

Jill stared at her in awe before answering, "Does that mean you're in denial?"

"No, it means I'm growing a baby."

Jill gasped, "Can I help!?"

"Uh… no, not really," Karen said truthfully.

"You're mean!" Jill yelled and ran outside to go find her husband, who was now long gone away from town by this point. It was now settled, though. Tonight, Jill would raid the cabbage patch and indeed find the baby that was growing beneath the soil while her brother and Karen slept silently in their beds.

Jack II and Karen had a long talk that evening about what was to be done in their near future. They went to their beds early and decided that tomorrow they would need to figure out a way to make some more money.

It was now pitch black outside, and Jill's perfect time to strike. Off she went into the fields, inspecting every crop as she passed by in search of the cabbage patch, for everyone knew that babies grew in cabbages… right?

"I found you!" she celebrated to herself. Taking the axe that was in her hand, she thrust it up into the air and slammed it down hard into the nearest cabbage. And then another one, and another, forgetting altogether that if there indeed had been a baby inside of one that it would surely be smashed into pieces now.

Jill grew frustrated by this, not being able to see a growing baby anywhere. Perhaps it was growing somewhere in the trees?

"Jill, what the hell are you doing out here?!" Jack II appeared behind her sleepily with his wife close by.

"Where's the baby?" Jill demanded.

"Huh?"

"Karen said she was growing a baby! Where is it!"

"You moron!" Jack II cursed. "It's growing inside of her, you know, like humans do!" he raged.

Jill stared in disbelief at Karen's large stomach. Walking closer to her, she lifted the axe and began a heavy swing at her. Jack II caught the axe mid-swing, luckily, and grabbed it from her immediately.

"Mmaaahhh!" Jill whined angrily.

"What is she doing!?" Karen cowered in fear.

"We need to let it out, it can't breathe!" Jill wailed.

Karen looked at her husband, "Jack, you need to explain to her…"

"I have a better idea," Jack II raised the axe high above his head.

"Stop!" Karen hit him angrily. "Jill, sweetheart, you have to try and understand. Babies are grown inside a woman's body, but it won't come out until it is good and ready to."

Jill was confused as ever, "When is that?"

"We can never be certain, but soon enough, I can assure you."

Jill looked down at her own stomach, it was still small. Perhaps if she made sure that she stayed thin, she would not have to worry about having one of her own. Unfortunately, curiosity always got the better of her, and a new plan was sparked by her own imagination.

"Okay! Nighty night!" she left them in the cool night to contemplate what had just taken place in the gardens.

"Let's go back to bed," Karen said.

"Aw, crap!" Jack II slammed the axe into the gorund.

"What's wrong?"

"Look at my cabbages!!!"

Intermission

Jill's cabbage raid did not help their financial situation at all, but it was nothing compared to what was to come next. Jack II and Karen sat at the table in the morning as they always did to eat breakfast, and hopefully this time, finish.

"Do you think Jill understands the concept of where babies come from now, Jack?" Karen asked.

"As long as we stay away from the topic of conception, I think it'll be okay."

Karen laughed, "She is a married woman, you know. Maybe it is time someone explained that to her."

"He's gone, long gone by now."

"Aw, Jack…" Karen whined, felling sorry for her naïve sister in law.

"Don't worry about it, she was too young anyways. She doesn't even understand what happened, nor does she care." Jack II had come to terms with the fact that no matter how much she went through, poor Jill would never see anything but the amusing side of life. This was an advantage at some times, but her low attention span usually ended up causing problems for somebody in the end.

Meanwhile, out in the fields, Jill had been digging up all the crops for hours and was almost finished. None of them seemed ripe enough to be picked, but that didn't matter, as long as they were big enough to fill her belly.

"Whew," she was tired and hot. "Time to eat!" she began to gobble up all the dirty rooted crops just as Jack II began to prepare for a hard day's work load.

Jack II put on his gloves and boots and walked out of the house tiredly, instantly spotting Jill in the distance.

Bark

Ruff 2 yelped at Jack II and he immediately followed the dog out into the desolate lands that used to be his garden patches.

"Jill! What the hell are you doing now!?" Jack II dropped to his knees and beat his fists into his own head.

Jill smiled brightly as she threw the last of the vegetables into her mouth, "I'm making a baby like Karen!"

"You…I… she… There's… AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" Jack II dropped the rest of his limp body to the ground and began convulsing violently.

"Ooo, I'm full now," Jill moaned. "I don't feel so good,"

"What am I going to do now?" Jack II said, still shaking. "There's no money… no crops, nothing!"

"Maybe you can sell the baby!" Jill suggested.

"Maybe child services won't give me that choice!" Jack II jumped to his feet and walked towards her as if ready to kill her. "If Karen finds out about this…"

"She's gonna be so excited when I tell her I'm pwenint too!"

"You've done some stupid things in your life, but this takes the cake!"

"I want cake!" Jill danced happily like a ballerina, ignoring completely what she had done.

Jack II fell back to his knees once again, it was all too much. Now he was completely screwed, and broke. There had to be something he could do… but what?

_Spring the 22nd, Year 3._

_Well, Jill screwed me over completely. Worse than ever before, and I blame YOU! Karen is pregnant and we have no money to support ourselves whatsoever, and its all because of that brat YOU spawned! Usually I write these entries in my journal, but instead, today, I write this letter requesting compensation for YOUR mistakes that have cost me an entire life!_

_Mom, dad, if you ever cared about me at all, you will give me the money I need to start over and take this lunatic away for good! Sincerely yours, Jack II._

The letter was sealed and mailed quickly, and Jack II tended to the fields again, trying desperately to make it look as if nothing had happened at all in case Karen came outside once in a while. It was going to be a very long season, and all he could do was hope that his parents could find it in their hearts to help provide for a future for their grandchild. Only time would tell what would come next.

**THE END**

(Okay, so why is there a cliffhanger here? I ran out of space. The next episode will wrap the series up for good, and there are quite a few loose ends to tie. Again I must apologize for the long wait for this episode, my internet has been down for some time so there hasn't been much point in writing it until now. Until next time!)


	15. Episode 15

**_EPISODE FIFTEEN: _IN THE END**

"I don't feel right about this," Karen complained.

"We don't have a choice! Do you want little Tony to starve?" Jack II frowned at his wife as he edged her closer to the shop her parents owned.

"This is the last time!" Karen snapped. "I still don't see why we couldn't just ask them."

"I can ask!" Jill volunteered.

"No!" Jack II and Karen yelled a little too loudly at her.

Karen took a deep breath and then pushed the door open to greet her parents, "Hi, daddy! Where's mom today?"

"Hi, pumpkin, she's out shopping this morning. She should be home soon, though," her father answered her as Jill crawled eagerly through the door before it closed.

"Uh, how soon, exactly?" Karen stalled.

"Oh, could be any minute now."

Jill crawled around to the other end of the store, staying carefully hidden from Jeff (Karen's father) as he chatted.

"Oh, uh…" Karen was worried now. "Well, since there's no one in here, how about you step outside for a moment and see your grandson? He's just outside with Jack,"

"Well sure, but why don't they come in here?" Jeff raised an eyebrow.

"He's a very crazy child, he may break something," Karen lied. Suddenly, the door opened behind her and her mother, Sasha, appeared into view. "M…mother!"

"Hi, sweetie," Sasha greeted.

"Perfect timing," Jeff smiled at his wife. "Wanna watch the register while I go outside to see our grandson?"

"Ofcourse, dear," Sasha complied.

_Damnit! _Karen knew the plan was finished, it was time to back out now.

"Abort, abort!" she tried to whisper across the room to Jill, but ofcourse, the little brat was not listening.

"What was that, Karen?" Jeff said as he walked from behind the counter, and not seeing Jill crouched beneath him, he stumbled and tripped over her completely. Jill took this opportunity to jump up and scare Karen's mother out of her wits.

"Stick 'em up!" she made an imaginary gun out of her hands, pointing at Sasha.

"Ahhh!" Sasha screamed and jumped behind a crate of canned goods.

"Jill!" Karen yelled angrily. "It's okay, mother, father. It's just Jack's little sister playing a joke…" she lied again.

"Ahahaha!" Jeff laughed loudly. "I haven't been caught so offguard in a very long time, that was a wonderfully planned attack!"

Karen slapped her palms to her head in annoyance, _morons._

"Bang, bang!" Jill cheered as she reached fro the cash register.

"Jill, we need to go!" Karen helped her mother from the floor.

"But I haven't even…"

"Now!"

"What's the rush, dear?" Sasha asked with concern.

"Just a lot of things that need tending to at the farm, busy, busy!" Karen scooted over to where Jill was standing and pulled her by the wrist towards the door.

The door slammed behind them and Jack II stared in wonder at the two before speaking, "So what happened?"

"We failed to get the money," Karen shot him an evil look. "We just have to face the facts, we're no Bonnie and Clyde, Jack."

"What the hell do we do now?" Jack II stomped hastily on the ground. "We need that money to live on!"

"Well either you'd better come up with a new plan, or we'll simply have to ask them for their help like we should have done in the beginning!"

Jack II thought it over a moment, "…I think we just need to select some new targets,"

Intermission

Indabox knocked on the farm door, wondering why it was that the fields seemed so bare and dreading to hear the words from his son's mouth, "I'm broke." Not being greeted, he turned the knob and found that the door was unlocked. Stupid child, who doesn't lock their door?

The house was a mess, small and indeed, never upgraded. Jack II had failed to live up to his father's expectations, and ofcourse, he knew very well that Jill probably had a hand in it. Walking around, Indabox noticed a diary at the side of the larger bed, and decided to read some of it. It was worse than he could ever have imagined… Jack II was delusional!

Skimming through, page by page, he could see that his son had developed quite the imagination. It must have been because he had no cable. There was no way in hell that Jill could have caused this much trouble, and the entries dealing with his grandfather being alive and well confirmed his suspicions that Jack II was a liar, or seriously ill.

"This is terrible! He even thinks that Jill is married? How awful a place this must be to produce such foul thoughts in a young man's mind! I must drag him back home at once. And as for Jill…" he had to think about that one for a while.

"Papa!" Jill screamed as she entered the farmhouse and jumped on the poor old man.

"Ouch, Jill, yer heavy…"

Hearing the familiar voice from outside the house, Jack II and Karen panicked.

"What are we gonna do?!" Karen whispered.

"We… we should… run! Run and hide!" Jack II grabbed her by the arm and pulled, almost knocking the poor baby out of her arms.

"Where's your brother…" Indabox snapped at Jill, looking outside into the open fields alertly.

"Where's YOUR brother!" Jill frowned.

"You know I don't have one, now where is Jack?"

"I don't know, where is he?"

"Jill, I don't have time for your games now. This is very important, he is sick and needs help," Indabox was getting angry.

"He's not sick, he's faking," Jill folded her arms, not knowing what on earth her father was talking about.

"He's… I see," Indabox realized. "He hates living here and is faking these mental delusions so that I will allow him to come home. And as a result he has refused to do any work over the last few years. Well I am not a fool!"

"None at all," Jill confirmed rightly.

"I'm surprised you two were able to eat and stay alive when he hasn't been doing any work. He should be ashamed of himself!"

"I'm so hungry, papa!" Jill complained.

"Ha! He's not going to get away with this! I'll see to it that he spends the rest of his days in this crappy little town!" Indabox stormed off to find his lazy son.

"Haha, daddy said 'crappy'," Jill laughed hysterically.

"Where are we going?!" Karen called ahead to her husband as he lead them through the town. It was now that baby Tony began to cry mercilessly, giving away their position to anyone walking about town. There was no escaping Indabox, not now, not ever.

"I don't know, we're doomed!" Jack II cried.

"Can't you just apologize and tell him you'll do better if he gives you more time?"

Jack II stopped in his tracks and looked back at his naïve wife, "Apologize? Do you know what kind of sick, twisted, demented, and not to mention demeaning and destructive act that would entail? DO YOU!?!!!"

"Um…" Karen was a little afraid now. "No… what?"

Jack II got very close to her face and made sure their eyes met at a steady gaze as he blurted out the answer: "Swallowing one's pride."

Karen was now furious, "Are you trying to tell me that this is all a matter of your false sense of stupid pride?!"

"Well Jill's the one who ruined our living!" Jack II was taken aback.

"Jack! You are to march up to your father right now and apologize this instant! And furthermore, you will then demand that he take your sister with him back home and leave us in peace to fix the farm up in OUR way and raise our son under MY traditions! Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Jack II was gone in an instant.

"Whahhh!" Tony cried in her arms still.

"Rrgh, lets get you home," Karen retraced her steps back to their house and hoped that she could trust Jack II with the very simple task he was assigned. Ofcourse, her wish would not be granted.

"A fire? Where?" the mayor read the note posted on his front door. The note had read, _Fire, come immediately! _"Honestly, now! Who would post such a thing on my door without giving a location?! This is outrageous! I must alert the townsfolk and we shall solve this mystery before it is too late!" the mayor was off.

Now was Jack II's chance to strike! Having the mayor out of the way, he was free to rob the richest man in town. When the mayor was out of sight, he ran for the door and opened it, only to find the mayor's good wife standing at the kitchen wonderingly at the boy who had decided to break in uninvited.

"Jack? Is something the matter?" she asked.

"Uh…" the idiot had forgotten all about her. "I got a note on my door telling me there was a fire…but no location was listed…" he lied.

"That is odd. Honestly, though, only an idiot would fall for a prank like that."

"Wha..?" Jack II mumbled.

"Someone's playing a trick on you. If you ever want to become mayor of this town you'll have to smarten up and realize when you're being played, you silly boy," She answered, allowing Jack II to breathe a little easier. "How do you think my hubby got his position? By playing the fool all these years? No, sir! Now run along, if there were really a fire I would know about it."

Jack II sheepishly bade her farewell and was on his way.

"Damnit!"

"Aha!" Indabox's voice scared the hell out of his son.

"Damnit again!" Jack II ran away as fast as he could, which he knew would only make his old man even more furious with him. "I was so close to getting a fortune, stupid bandit job! Stupid mayor's wife!"

By the time Jack II had gotten home he was completely out of breath, and it was imposible for Karen to understand what he was trying to say to her.

"I…He's… Mayor's..Wi…"

"Jack, slow down. What are you trying to say?" Karen tried to calm him.

It was no use, he coughed and coughed but could not catch his breath. They needed to HIDE! FAST! Grabbing little Tony from the cradle he ran to find the ladder and prompt himself and the baby up to the roof where his father would never think to look.

"Jack, where are you going?" Karen yelled.

"To…Roof… Must…"

She had no patience and refused to listen to the rest, "Jack get back down here with our son this instant!"

Some help she was being. He decided that his only chance was to ignore her and pretend he did not know her when his father appeared on the scene. Up on the rooftops Jack II and the baby sat, trying to keep away from sight.

Karen would not take this sitting down, and went outside to get a better view of her crazy spouse.

"Jack! Get down here now!" she yelled.

It was then that Indabox arrived, "Dear god!"

The sudden arrival startled Karen, "Oh…"

"I should have guessed he wouldn't hesitate to stoop so low! He has taken an infant as a hostage so that I will not make him stay in this horrible little town!" Indabox declared.

Karen was afraid that Jack II may accidentally drop their son, and decided that the best course of action would be to lie to her father-in-law, "Yes, yes! Oh how I wish someone would get my poor baby back to me!"

Indabox ignored her completely, "You can think again, buddy! Drop the damned kid, what do I care?! I have all day, and if you don't come down soon, I'm goonna have to come up there and get you myself!"

"Ahhhhhhh!!!!!" Jack II screamed like a 5 year old girl as he almost did drop baby Tony off the ledge out of fear.

"Get him, poppy!" Jill was suddenly at the scene of the crime as well.

"Oh, no! Please, you must get my baby back!" Karen begged, hoping he would listen to her this time.

"Karen!" Jack II yelled down. "What are you doing?! I thought we were in this together!"

Indabox shot an evil look at her, "You lent your own child off to a psycho as a hostage?!"

"Um… I didn't exactly _lend_ him…" Karen stuttered.

"You horrible woman!" Indabox screamed.

"I don't like her either daddy, she does terrible things to me!" Jill hissed.

"Jill!" Karen didn't know what to say.

It was then that the mayor and a whole brigade of rescuers showed up, ready to save their fellow citizens from outbreaks of fire.

"There they are! Atop the roof!" the mayor pointed. "We'll save you Jack!"

"What is the meaning of this?" Indabox was now confused.

"No time to talk, stranger. We have a fire to fight!" the group of helpers rushed to the foot of the house and urged Jack II to throw the baby to them and jump from the roof himself.

"It's your only chance!" they yelled.

"Are you crazy? I'm not coming down there!" Jack II refused.

"But soon the flames will engulf the entire premises, and you two as well!" the mayor cried.

"What fire are you talking about?" Karen raised an eyebrow.

"The fire inside of your house, my dear!" the mayor pushed her gently aside.

"Ahahahahaha!" Indabox laughed out loud. Everyone looked at him strangely, not able to anticipate his explanation as to what was so funny. "I really must hand it to you, my son, you really have thought this through. You knew that taking a hostage would not be enough to stop me, so you lit fire inside the house so that I could not follow you. A flawless plan, indeed, hahaha. But alas, I shall have the last laugh!" Indabox grabbed the fire hose from one of the townspeople and immediately let loose on poor Jack II and the baby in his arms.

Not having enough time to think, Jack II flung his infant son into the crowd of people (and was caught safely) and fell off the side of the roof to his death… okay, maybe he didn't exactly die, but he really, really hurt his arm, and it got bruised and everything!

Indabox walked slowly and triumphantly over to where his son lay on the ground, dazed and injured. "I have caught you!"

"Owy!" Jack II whined as he clutched his arm.

"Jack! Are you alright!?" Karen rushed to his aid.

"I always thought it would be your sister we would have to commit to an insane asylum," Indabox said sternly. "But it seems that it is you who must go."

"No, Jill destroyed all our crops and our chance at a good living! We were only trying to avoid you until we could find some money!" Karen yelled with tears in her eyes.

Indabox was speechless, "The, you are his wife? And this child is my…"

"Grandson!" Jack II said bitterly. "Didn't you get any of the letters I sent you?"

"Nope!" Jill piped suddenly. "I took them out of the mailbox and ate them. They don't taste very good but it was funny anyways," she explained.

"But, the diary! I read it, and those are some pretty tall tales you've told. Not to mention the writings in some of them are atrocious!"

"Those would be Jill's entries," Jack II groaned in pain.

"This is horrible!" the mayor yelled as everyone stared at him in confusion. What could be awful? The whole mess had just come to light.

"No, this explains everything," Indabox realized.

"I don't care about that!" The mayor yelled. "Someone's house in town is burning and we've wasted all this time here! Men, to the town! Quickly!" they raced off on their wild goose chase before Jack II could say anything.

Intermission

"So tell me truthfully," Indabox and his family sat down at the dinner table to talk. "Do you want to stay in town?"

"Yeah, I kinda like it here," Jack II admitted, putting a smile on Karen's face.

"Then it shall be done, you'll get your second chance."

"Really? You mean it?!" Jack II asked hopefully.

"Of course! I can't bear to rip this poor lass from the only place she's ever known, especially when she has a son of her own," he referred to Karen. "Crazy girl would bite my head off,"

Karen shot him an offended look, "I…"

"We're both so happy!" Jack II cut her off. "But does that mean you're going to take Jill with you?"

Indabox looked over at Jill who was busy trying to trap an imaginary rat with her raincap. "Hell no, you've done better with her here than your mother and I ever did. She's your responsibility forever, pal."

"Damnit a third time!" Jack II cursed.

"Perhaps if I lent you some money for an upgrade, an extra couple rooms, maybe? That would help you to manage things a little better?" Indabox offered.

Jack II and Karen looked at each other and then back at him, "AN upgrade? With all the damages she's caused? We'll see ya in court, buddy."

_Dear journal,_

_I guess I can stop updating my parents on the events in my life now. They never did believe some of the crazy stories in that diary, especially the ones about gramps… oh well. I'm suing them for all they got after all the crap I've been put through. They're the legal guardians, not me! Yeah, I think the next few years are gonna be a lot better for me and Karen, and hopefully our kid won't turn out anything like Jill._

_That's all for my first entry, goodnight!_

**END OF SEASON 2!**

(Hope you all enjoyed this follow up season! I'm gonna take my regular break and then start writing season 3. Here's the official preview:

HMTV3 PROPOSAL

The third iteration of the series will be set in the world of the PS2 game, SAVE THE HOMELAND. This game sucked quite considerably in comparison to the previous two major releases, and luckily, that works to my advantage this time. I get to make fun of it and all of its stupid flaws, implementing all of possible endings to the game into the storyline, and ofcourse, the characters have their newly imagined quirks that you'd come to expect from an HMTV season!

Jack III is Jack II's great grandson, and both Jack II and Jill along with their friends are dead by this point. The village is going to be demolished in one year, and inheriting the farm, Jack III has to come up with a way to save it along with the rest of the townspeople. The dilemma? Is Jack III stupid? No. Does he have a lunatic sister? No. Jack III is deaf (or hearing impaired), and none of the villagers seem to realize it!

The series will grow up this time around, and many of the new characters will deal in "teenage idiot" type comedy, mixed together with Jack III's disability, this will hopefully work very well in creating some unique misadventures. Predominantly though, this season will play upon the lack of features in the game. I've never really poked fun at the actual games quite like this before, so it will at least be interesting.

Thanks for reading and I hope you all come back for more when STH begins! Later!)


	16. Commentary chapter II

**HMTV! (SEASON 2) SPECIAL COMMENTARY CHAPTER**

Introduction 

HMTV season 2's premise was quite an easy one to come up with. I had played both "Bak To Nature" and "For Girl" on the playstation, and BTN had been my favorite game in the series. Unfortunately, I could not carry over the old Jack from season to season, for nothing would make sense. It was through the 'for girl' version that I came up with the idea of having Jill take on the leading role as the catastrophic character, and use Jack II as the one who would ultimately stand to lose from her presence.

The first season needed to end before I ran out of ideas, and I never wanted to lose interest in the series. Season two had to reinvent itself, and thus, would ultimately become yet another experiment in my comedic writing practices.

Reception 

While the series did not follow the same atmosphere as the first iteration, the shift was intentional. Right from the beginning, Jill took on a character of her own and Jack II was the perfect counterpart, or perhaps it was the other way around. Some loved one and hated the other, some loved or hated both. Luckily, good hearted Karen eventually became part of their family and served as a great referee.

The existing fans immediately began reading the series to make sure I was transitioning the right way, and the rave reviews were much appreciated. Mnay new fans took notice that there was an HM story with "season 2" latched onto the end, and began reading both seasons, allowing me to gain a lot of new attention for the series as well (something else I expected to happen).

The second season gained more reviews than the first, and fans seemed happier to be reading about characters they were more familiar with. Season 2 became, admittedly, more popular than season 1.

Of course, I must add my own criticism in. I was not happy with season 2. Some episodes were worthy of the praise, but the season in its entirety was not quite what I had hoped it would be. The premise was perfect, but too perfect, it would seem, for it left me too much to live up to. It seemed I had done everything right, but somehow it just wasn't as funny to me as it was to many of the readers. If I could take a guess, it is because "Back to Nature" had a well planned out universe with many "unique" characters, and in my opinion was the best HM game. There was simply not enough to make fun of, and nothing more was left to my imagination.

Nevertheless, its success with the new and old fans alike cannot be denied, and for that I am content.

Style and Technique 

While I changed as much as I could with the story, it seemed that my methods of storytelling stayed the same, much like the style. The narrator actively participates in the story once in a while as in the past, and I tried to maintain my wit where it needed to be. The series retained its episodic format, and the diary entries returned, but this time telling from both Jack II and Jill.

Towards the end I realized that perhaps the third season was in need of a bit of an overhaul in terms of how the story is told, and so far, I think I was right. Nevertheless, I will always strive to learn from my mistakes.

The Heart 

Jill annoyed me. I quite hated the character, but she seemed to set up the situations well enough that I could deal with her. Somehow, many fans loved her crazy and outrageous behavior, and even now I am asked for more of her. Perhaps she really was an endearing character in a similar vein to how Jack I was in the first season, and it just escaped me.

I tried something different for the fifth episode. I wrote a very sad tale about Jack I, showing a different side to each of the three main characters from both seasons and showing a rather harsh conclusion to the first season. Why did I do this? I have no idea, and I promise it will never happen again. Not that it didn't work in what I had set out to do, but even I had a hard time leaving it as it was upon finishing.

So, I made a special two-part story where Jack came back! I think it really was the highlight of the entire series, and many would probably agree with me. The interaction between the old man and Jill turned out better than I could have hoped, and Jack I was finally granted a happy end that he could live with until death.

The Future 

Well, season three is in full swing and I'm much happier with the outcome than I was with season 2 (so far). I have a couple ideas for a fourth season, but I need to wait and make sure the readers are happy with where it is going first. As I have previously said, the series could go on forever, it just depends on when I get sick of writing them (which I promise, has not happened yet).

Conclusion 

Thank you to the long time readers and reviewers (you know who you are) for making season 2 such a success. Despite my lack of faith in the season, I was inspired to keep going by the kind reviews and words of encouragement.

Now go read season 3, it is good! I swear!

SBester


End file.
